3 Things to Do When You’re Disappointed By Your Spouse

#2 Look for the most generous explanation possible

Whenever we’re disappointed by our spouse, it’s essential to look for the more generous explanation and act as if that is the real one – because it probably is. In my research for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, the happiest spouses refused to believe the worst of their mate’s intentions, even when they were legitimately, truly hurt. If we think, “He knew how that would make me feel, and he did it anyway,” that translates to “he doesn’t care” and it’s downhill from there. But changing our assumption to “I know he loves me; he must not have known how that would make me feel,” or “this was just a really hard day, and he’s disappointed too,” will make everything about our response different.

And thankfully, that is not just wishful thinking! More than 99 percent of people deeply care about their spouse! Even in struggling marriages, they care. Yet a huge reason why they struggle is that one or both partners don’t believe that fact.