Tip #4: Show that you know and value the difference between social time and work time
Girls will often ease into a study session or work meeting with a bit of personal conversation. In our minds, it builds better working relationships and gets social questions out of the way so we can concentrate on work. (“Hey, is everything okay after your fender-bender?”) But guys can get frustrated. When they are in do-things work mode and you appear to be in social mode (even if you aren’t!), annoyance and frustration can simmer under the surface. Even worse, guys have told me that switching back and forth from “work world” to “personal world” can be hard and disconcerting.
More importantly, if it happens too often (or for more than a token minute or two), he will perhaps start thinking that you’re not taking the project seriously. Guys have (privately) told me that they start thinking they may need to keep the big jobs out of your hands. And think about it: you would have the same feeling too, right? If you’re in turbo get-things-done mode and some guy wants to spend 15 minutes talking about his rock band, you would have the same thought!
The difference is that when guys are in “work mode,” any social chit-chat can be similarly frustrating. So watch for a guy’s cues and take it from there. If he asks, while waiting for the meeting to start, “what did you do this weekend?” then you have an opening to briefly talk social stuff. But otherwise, err on the side of being “all business” when you’re actually working with guys.
Learning how a guy’s brain is wired to process, hear and perceive information is one of the best tools for building great working relationships. If you practice a few of these subtle communication tips early, you’ll be way ahead of the curve as you interact with guys for years to come.
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Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her latest book, Find Rest: A Women’s Devotional for Lasting Peace in Busy Life, focuses on a journey to rest even with life’s constant demands.
Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
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