Men are deeply misunderstood today—because there is an epidemic lack of awareness or validation of how men are wired
After my first research project about men was published as the book For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, I saw a stunning pattern after the book started getting a lot of attention. Day after day, when people would come up to talk to me after I spoke at a university, community event, church, or corporation, there was always at least one man who had to pause for a moment because he started getting emotional.
“Sorry,” a tall, imposing-looking man told me at a large event in Canada, embarrassed as his eyes were red with trying to tamp down his feelings. “Hold on. Sorry. I’m just really . . . overwhelmed . . . by the idea that my wife might finally be able to understand me.”
As I’m traveling, I often interview random strangers to learn of their perceptions on things. Yesterday, I spoke to two clearly thoughtful, interested women while waiting for our flight who didn’t even understand what I was getting at when I asked their opinion on whether there are “masculine” emotional traits, and which, if any, were positive as well as negative. They strongly agreed that traditional masculinity was toxic (“It’s about time!” one exclaimed, when I asked about the APA report), but also shared their strong (and somewhat contradictory) opinion that there were also not specific things to understand about men’s underlying emotions.
“I think it’s been a problem for a long time that guys are expected to be macho and take care of people financially and all this other B.S..” one said. “We need to de-genderize a lot of these character attributes and just take personal responsibility.”
While I agree with the “personal responsibility” part, there is all too often a rejection of the notion that there is anything specific to understand about men.
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