A House Divided? Handling Hot Political Discussions Without Getting Burned

Don’t add fuel. Listen, instead.

 Here’s another reason to stay calm, reasonable and kind—even if you view a friend or family member as doing the opposite. If the person acts like a growling political adversary, and you feel like they’re implying you’re an idiot and wrong, then blowing up or getting exercised will probably serve as the “proof” they’re looking for.

That will only add fuel to a hot fire. What cools it off is listening. Even if (especially if) you vehemently disagree.

Keep in mind that the reason it can be hard to have calm discussions about politics is that it brings up emotional, weighty issues. Political beliefs are tied up with other values that are far more important to people than any one political outcome. That is the case for you, too, after all. The passion means that what is underneath the surface is incredibly important to each of you.

Now, “passion” is never an excuse for the other person being actually abusive. In that case, holding to boundaries is the kindest thing you can do. (“Uncle Frank, I just can’t handle it when your voice rises so much; it makes me feel anxious and insecure. Let’s pick this back up at the family brunch on Saturday, okay?”)

So what do you do? Switch to listening. But listen for something very specific . . .