Make Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving Back

Happy marriages require give and take.

As a result of keeping score of what their spouse is giving, those “I’ll bring him dinner” types of actions were coming from the heart rather than out of a sense of duty. And they certainly didn’t come with the attitude of “aren’t I doing something so wonderful for him?” Because they originated from a sincere awareness of how much the other person was giving during that time.

A friend of mine refers to this give-and-take as the Canoe Theory of Marriage. Picture a husband and wife paddling across a lake. When one paddler is paddling so hard it tips the canoe to the right, the other paddler compensates by tipping more to the left . . . so they don’t tip over. They partner together by balancing effort for the other spouse when it’s needed—not out of obligation, but out of love.