Why Your “Type” Isn’t Always Good For You
Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC
When I was single, I would often imagine what my future relationship was going to be like. I wondered about the kind of guy I’d end up dating and marrying. I’d try to picture who he would be and how he would look. I wondered if when I eventually had a picture of him, would I be proud to show it to my friends, or would I find myself with someone with an amazing heart whom I struggled to find attractive? I know I’m not alone in that worry because I hear from many people who express the same fears and concerns.
Finding someone to whom you are physically attracted is an important part of the equation of a healthy relationship. But it’s not the only part of the equation of attraction. It’s important for us to understand that attraction is multi-faceted. While attraction may start as physical, it’s fueled by other aspects of connection: emotional, mental, and spiritual.
I am thankful that I am married to a man that I find attractive. But I was surprised by my growing attraction to him because he was not my so-called “type.” Physical attraction is a legitimate need in a relationship, but it must be kept in proper perspective, because just because you’re physically attracted to someone, doesn’t mean they’re good for you. Sometimes we’re physically attracted to people because something unhealthy in us, connects with something unhealthy in them. That’s why that initial physical attraction has to be kept in proper perspective. Sometimes it’s skewed by our own internal struggles, and other times, it’s skewed by what the world has led us to believe is “attractive”.