Why Can’t We Just Go To Sleep?

Why Can’t We Just Go To Sleep? August 11, 2022

Guys, picture the scene. You have had a long and tiring day. So has your wife. You’ve made dinner while your wife corralled the kids for homework. After eating, getting the munchkins to bed, and cleaning up, the two of you finally have a few precious minutes of peace before bedtime. Maybe that home-improvement show will be just the mindless downtime you both need to unwind before you head upstairs to bed. Although, now that you think about it, maybe you should head upstairs for another reason . . .

And that’s when your wife, snuggling next to you on the sofa, says, “Well, I just found out that Mom is thinking of moving to warmer weather. I have no idea what we are going to do without her being here to watch the kids while we’re at work.”

And just like that, the night goes in a very different direction than you were expecting.

Why does it so often tend to work that way? Many men have asked me over the years, Why is it that my wife so often wants to talk about the deep issues of life, marriage, and family right as we are thinking about heading to bed?

I hear you. You love your wife and want to be there for her, but you find the timing very perplexing. An out-of-the-blue discussion of a major issue is not what most guys are planning on as their brain winds down to sleep. So based on many years of interviews and surveys of women, including for our book For Men Only, here is what I suspect is going on—and what to do about it.

Here’s the big picture: By raising this issue at this time, your wife is saying three things to you. Learn these and work with them, and you’re the hero.

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