Why Your “Type” Isn’t Always Good For You

We need a reset

The only way to get our expectations moving back to reality is to realize that we need a reset. The reason we say “no” to distorted expectations of attraction is that skin-deep beauty can only last so long. Fast-forward 50, 30, or even 10 years, and your body as well as that of your spouse will have changed, sagged, and likely stretched out beyond recognition. After a few babies, a surgery or two along the way, and the unrelenting process of aging, I can guarantee you one thing: Neither of you will look the same. That is why it is so important to make sure your expectations of physical attraction are kept in check because it is only one part of the equation of lasting attraction.

In marriage, you will see your spouse at their absolute worst. You’ll see them in their most natural state—before the hair, before the makeup, before the accessories. You’ll see them through the lens of real life, which does not hide morning breath, cellulite, or other imperfections. You will be with your spouse through the days of sickness and exhaustion. What will ultimately define your marriage—and ultimately, your very life—is not the “supermodel status” of your husband or wife, but rather, their character.

Your spouse is the person who will have the greatest influence on your happiness, your confidence, and your security. Your spouse is the person who will walk with you through the highs and lows of life, help raise your children, and influence your family in every single way. According to Proverbs, a wife [or husband] of character is a treasure (Proverbs 31:10). And he who finds that finds a great thing, something worth holding onto no matter what. I know so many marriages that started with “amazing physical chemistry” and fizzled into nothing within a few short years. I also know of so many marriages that started on the foundation of good character and godliness—and continued to grow in intimacy, in respect, and in love.

It is time for us to rise above the noise of this culture and set our relationship expectations and standards on things that really matter. It is time to reset our standard of beauty by shutting off the influence of the unrealistic junk and filling our minds and hearts with the truth.

• Beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30).
• Charm is deceptive (Proverbs 31:30).
• Real beauty runs deep (1 Peter 3:3).
• Real attraction is multifaceted.
• Inner beauty cannot be fabricated or replicated.
• Character is what actually defines a person.
• Spiritual health trumps everything (1 Timothy 4:8).

It is time for us to say “no” to the unrealistic standards this world is throwing our way. That starts with taking inventory of what we allow our minds to think about and our hearts to lust upon. Maybe that means making the commitment to stay away from porn. Maybe that means turning off Netflix for a while. Maybe it means stepping away from Facebook or TV or magazines. Maybe that means putting limits on how much we mindlessly scroll Instagram. Maybe it means guarding our conversations and how we allow ourselves to talk about the opposite sex.

Ultimately, it means saying no to lies that skew our perception of physical attraction—in exchange for truth. Whether we’re single, dating, engaged or married – it’s time to reset our understanding of the role of physical attraction in our romantic relationships and remember that attraction has just as much to do with character as it does with chemistry.

This article is an excerpt from Debra’s book, Love In Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, and is used with permission. To find out how each season (spring, summer, fall, and winter) can make or break your relationships ORDER LOVE IN EVERY SEASON TODAY.

DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK? She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book a session with her today!

Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.

Enjoyed this article? Visit www.shaunti.com for articles and research on marriage, parenting, and more!