How to Not Freak Out When Talking to Your Teenager

Realize that your teen wants to share with you

Remember this good news. In our national survey for For Parents Only, 75% of teens indicated, “If I knew my parents wouldn’t freak out, I would really like to share certain things with them.” So statistically, it is highly likely that your teen is thinking the same. Anxiety has become a big mental health issue due to the pandemic and now, more than ever, our teenagers need the ability to share their hearts with us.

Using subtle cues to signal “Tell me more” will set the tone for them to open up. Listen calmly, with little visible emotion—a  smile instead of a Starbucks-jacked, “Wow, that’s exciting!”, an inquisitive eyebrow raised or a calm murmur to indicate, “Then what happened?” Or perhaps you could say, “That’s interesting,” instead of, “Oh my gosh! Then what happened?” If you feel yourself having any “bigger” reaction (whether negative or positive), try (if at all possible) to wait until you can share it very calmly.

If your teen has—fairly or unfairly—pegged you as a “non-calm” listener, you may need to commit for a long time to this new way of listening to the little things they do share (“my friend Jack is thinking of joining the Army after high school”), in order to demonstrate that they can (in their mind) trust you with the bigger things (“so am I”).