Going from “You” and “Me” to “We”

Unity Builder #4: Believe the best of your spouse’s intentions toward you

It will be hard to ever be one team unless you let yourself believe what is almost certainly true: Your spouse deeply cares about you and has your best interest at heart—even when they handle money in a way that frustrates you. Believing that in the face of legitimate hurt (since we all hurt each other at times) is the most foundational step toward a thriving marriage. So, the next time your spouse asks if you can review spending, instead of thinking, “they are trying to control me,” think, “I’ll bet my spouse is worried since we dipped into our emergency savings to fix the car.”

Bottom line: to keep and build oneness instead of independence, look for evidence that your spouse deeply cares for you. You’ll see it everywhere.

For more tips on how to create unity around finances and thrive in love and money, visit our website thriveinloveandmoney.com to take the free assessment or read more in our book, Thriving in Love and Money.)

Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn are Harvard-trained social researchers and best-selling authors. Their books, including For Women Only, For Men Only, and their latest book, Thriving in Love & Money, have sold 3 million copies around the world. The Feldhahns live in Atlanta with their two kids and two cats who think they are dogs.