Step 1: Start by assuming it’s a real issue

When someone is upset—whether it is a spouse, a daughter, or a son (yes, boys can have drama too!)—the one thing that is sure to make it worse is starting from the assumption that the person “shouldn’t” be so upset. That they are ramping up their emotions to a ridiculous degree. That they are being irrational and oversensitive.

As you can imagine, it rarely works to say something out loud like, “Honey, stop being an irrational mess. Let’s just calm down and realize that just because your friends didn’t include you in the ice cream outing doesn’t mean they don’t like you anymore.”

Has saying anything like that ever resulted in the tearful or angry person suddenly saying, “By Jove, you’re right. Thank you for your logic. I’m not upset anymore.”?

Just as it doesn’t work to say it, it doesn’t work to assume it—because you are essentially dismissing something that is clearly important to them.

Now, I should be clear: sometimes the person is being oversensitive. Sometimes they indeed are blowing things out of proportion! But in the moment, the worry or hurt or fear is real to them. And what you see as “drama” is often a cry to be heard. So trying to downplay it will make it worse, not better!