Communication Habit #4: Remember: Your spouse doesn’t know what you are thinking or what you need unless you tell them
This is a very simple thing to remember—and will save a whole lot of heartache if we apply it. We all know that we should not expect our spouse to read our mind . . . yet sometimes we still do!
For all the new couples out there, start your marriage out right by resolving to do two things:
First, if you have a specific need, desire, or concern share it instead of expecting your spouse to somehow prove how much they love and appreciate you by magically figuring it out. Say explicitly, “Do we already have plans for my birthday? If you want an idea, I’d love to get some friends and go to that laser tag place.” Or be clear that, “I’ve had a taxing day, and I’m not sure I’m up for romance tonight. Can we make a date for tomorrow night instead?” If you don’t particularly care about what to do for your birthday, then this doesn’t matter. But if you do care, it is unfair not to give your spouse the opportunity to meet a need they wouldn’t have known about otherwise.
Second, be clear with your words and play no games. One of our friends says the best advice they got in their premarital counseling was to tell each other, “I’m going to believe your words.” So if one person says, “What’s wrong?” and the other answers, “Nothing,” they are going to believe those words. Or if one spouse asks, “Are you upset that I put a down payment on the deck without asking you?” and the other says, “No” then the question is resolved. So resolve to believe one another’s words. That pact incentivizes being honest about what you need—and honors the fact that your spouse wants to know how to love you well but cannot read your mind.
Communication runs through every day of a marriage. And there are many more pieces of communication advice that matter. But start with these simple ones. They matter to everyone.
What communication advice would you most want to share with a newlywed couple? Answer in the comments below!
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