STEP THREE: For those few days, every time you catch yourself saying something negative, quickly stop and think, How could I have said/done that differently, so it wasn’t negative?
You realized you got exasperated with the kids because they were too slow to turn off their electronics and help you set the table. So after you blow it, you stop and think, I could have calmly said, “Kids, you probably didn’t intend to make me do all the work, but since I had to set the table without you, no more electronics today.” (Not saying anything negative doesn’t mean you can’t give true discipline where it is needed! You just can’t do it negatively!)
The cool thing about this exercise is that as you think about the “kind version” of what you just said, you’ll start actually doing that kind version.
This points out the crucial neuroscientific truth that underlies our quest toward kindness: what we focus on is what we will see. If we focus on the annoying things said by our sister-in-law on social media, we will see more of that and get more annoyed. If we focus on the fact that our sister-in-law has spent the last three months offering to help watch the kids so we can finish our night classes, we will have far more gratitude and far less annoyance. I can’t help but think of my favorite scripture (Philippians 4:8). Whenever we focus on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy, THAT is exactly what we will see. And if we’re focusing on other things, well . . . we might be missing something big.
Seriously. Try these three steps. Or just go ahead and do the full 30-Day Kindness Challenge! You’ve got nothing to lose and plenty of gorillas (I mean, true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy things) to gain!
Improve your relationships with simple, actionable steps backed by proven research! Visit
SurprisingHope.com to learn about our courses.
Do you want Shaunti to share these life-changing truths at your church or event? Send us a speaking inquiry request today!
Please note: This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small
amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In