Do you need to let go of control in your marriage?

Trying to Control Him

Well, it didn’t feel like he was doing it for us. And it did feel quite personal! How was he being anything but insensitive? I was stressed out! The kids were crying! Could he not see that I needed him home at the earliest possible moment?

My husband’s coffee shop routine was only one of dozens of things I tried to get control of in our early years of marriage. I just kept telling myself, He’s doing it wrong. I thought it was up to me to make things turn out right for our little family.

So when he did something I didn’t approve of out in public, I would tease him, roll my eyes, or gather consensus from friends and family about the ridiculousness of his choice. Behind closed doors, however, I pulled out all the stops. I would nag, belittle, rant, withdraw, or erupt. I kept digging in and insisting on my way, and he kept prying free of my white knuckles and pulling away. The more controlling I got, the more miserable we all became—myself included.

Now, this might come as a surprise, but at that point, I had no idea that I had control issues. If I had seen my book, Control Girl, on a shelf, I might have bought it for several other people I knew, but not myself. I truly thought that he was the problem. If he would just cave in already and let me mold him into the man I needed him to be, I was quite sure everything would fall into a peaceful cadence.

How wrong I was.