Do you need to let go of control in your marriage?

A Respect Experiment

One of the tools God used to start opening my eyes to the real problem was Shaunti’s book For Women Only. I remember reading the section on “Respecting his Judgment” right before one of our date nights and decided to give it a try.

That night, when he turned the wrong way to go to the mall, I let it go. When he passed up a perfectly good parking space, I said nothing. When he decided to do the shopping return before getting dinner, I refrained from challenging him. After two hours of respectful interaction, he looked across the table into my eyes, and said, “This has been the best date! I love you so much.”

His sweet response broke my heart. How long had I been depriving this good and loving man of the respect he craved from his wife? What had I been missing out on?

It wasn’t news to me that God wants wives to respect their husbands (Eph. 5:33). It was news to me that my attempts to control everything from the socks he wore to which parking space he chose were—to him—signs of my disrespect. Shaunti says, “Often, we women will naturally say ‘I love you’ but at the same time want to control things. Unfortunately, men tend to interpret this as disrespect and distrust.” This is exactly what was happening in my marriage.