“If we just had more money it would change everything . . .”
That thought comes so easily when there are financial tensions in marriage. “If we just had an extra $200 per month, we wouldn’t argue about keeping the A/C turned down so low.” Or, “If my salary were higher, her weekly trips to Costco wouldn’t stress me out.”
Those “if . . . then” thoughts are so tempting. After all, they allow us to blame the lack of money (or one another) rather than looking too closely at ourselves. They also suggest such an easy solution: just a few more dollars, and poof! Our marital problems are solved!
But the hard truth is: those tempting beliefs are also wrong. As we interviewed and surveyed thousands of people for our book, Thriving in Love and Money, we found that the amount of money in our bank account is not usually related to the amount of happiness in our marriage. In fact, high-net-worth couples usually just laughed sardonically when we asked if their wealth relieved tension around money. (“Are you kidding?” One wife exclaimed. “It just gives you more to have tension about!”)
What we did find in our study, however, was many couples with a trend worth investigating: couples who had limited funds but were thriving in their relationship and (mostly) not allowing their challenging finances to depress their marriage.
So what is the secret of having a great relationship with your spouse, and managing money well together, even without that extra boost to the bank account? Here are three research-based habits that will point you in the right direction, no matter where you are financially.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In