More Money Won’t Help Your Marriage – But These Habits Will

Habit #1: Believe the best of your spouse’s intentions toward you

Whenever you’re frustrated or hurt, get in the habit of telling yourself that your spouse does care (since that is almost certainly the truth), and look for a more generous explanation of their behavior. This is important for everything in marriage, but is particularly crucial around money.

For example, suppose your spouse notices you come in the door with some extra purchases. Your spouse seems tense, and that night asks if you two can review the spending budget. It is tempting to get defensive and think, “My spouse is shaming me” or “My spouse is trying to control me.” Instead, believe the best: “I’ll bet my spouse is worried because we had to dip into our emergency savings to fix the car, and he/she knows I’ll need a new car soon.”

Look for evidence that your spouse cares about you. You’ll see it everywhere. And it will turn what could have been an opportunity for tension and discord into an opportunity for understanding and connection. (And if you believe you are in the small percent of couples where your spouse is purely selfish and doesn’t care … that is rare, but it does happen. If so, please reach out for professional help and counsel.)