Action Step #1: Teach kids—and ourselves—not to catastrophize
The phrase “more is caught than taught” is truer than we’ve ever known. So, when we model a “sky is falling” behavior for our kids, we’re actually teaching them to behave that way.
Ouch.
Catastrophizing is essentially thinking and saying things like, “If XYZ happens, it is going to be a catastrophe!” And in our culture there is plenty to catastrophize about. Certain things may in fact be a catastrophe if they happen. But all too often, we mentally build up possibilities into certainties.
More important, even those of us who are people of faith too easily ignore the fact that God is still working in our world. He is still in charge. After all, the first-century church faced far greater challenges than any of us face in our culture, and yet those facing the most immediate persecution were given commands like “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18) and “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6)
We are commanded to live in peace, not fear—even when there are indeed things to fear! As Jesus put it, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)
How do we do this?
First, before we can teach our kids not to catastrophize, we must gain perspective on our own thoughts. In a piece published earlier this year, Matthew Yglesias writes:
For a very wide range of problems, part of helping people get out of their trap is teaching them not to catastrophize. People who are paralyzed by anxiety or depression or who are lashing out with rage aren’t usually totally untethered from reality. They are worried or sad or angry about real things. But instead of changing the things they can change and seeking the grace to accept the things they can’t, they’re dwelling unproductively as problems fester.
As we steward our role as parents to impressionable children, we have to grapple with that profound question: are we changing the things we can and seeking the grace to accept the things we can’t? Being mad about politics or news headlines all the time is not helping our kids. And although not everyone who reads this blog is a person of faith, I believe those of us who are have a God-given responsibility to model peace in the storms of life to our children.
Thankfully, that sense of parental responsibility may help us continue a healthy habit we might otherwise lose when things get hard.
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