Action Step #3: Listen to your kids’ fears
In my research for For Parents Only, I discovered that when teenagers act out or “cop an attitude,” this is often an outward sign of their secret fears and insecurities. The data shows that in boys, feelings of powerlessness or insecurity come out as angry, sullen, or withdrawn behavior. Girls, meanwhile, mouth off with lippiness, sarcasm, or antagonistic talk.
If we see these signals, it is time to not only correct and redirect undesirable behavior, but to put our detective hats on and ask questions. And the first question is the hardest one, because it’s one we need to aim at ourselves: Are we doing anything to trigger insecurities in our kids? See Action Step #1. Rinse and repeat.
After that, curiosity goes a long way. Ask questions that draw your kids fears out. Validate their fears and contextualize them in a way that reminds them God is in control. This can help our kids (and us) remember that not only is the sky not falling, but we, in fact, serve a God who rides through the skies looking for those who need help! (Deuteronomy 33:26)
Then, whether it’s a political season or a tough personal or family season, you will have set a template not of catastrophizing but of contextualizing. Issue by issue and news cycle by news cycle, we can help our kids process the massive amount of information they are taking in with hope, peace, and the ultimate reassurance that God is in control.
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