Truth #5: NOT combining money makes excessive spending more likely.
Finally, this truth might reassure those who worry that sharing accounts will allow a spouse to spend “too much” of joint resources during tough times. In a 2019 study, two of the same researchers found that it actually worked the other way around. In general, couples who merge finances are less likely to spend money on purely discretionary or self-indulgent purchases.
Why? Well, if we keep separate accounts we simply don’t feel as accountable to our partner. We are more likely to buy something we want, when we want it. (It doesn’t really matter if I buy the more expensive Christmas present, right?) By contrast, joining all accounts means we have to discuss and negotiate spending with one another ─ which helps us clarify wants versus needs, when to buy discretionary things, and holds us accountable.
Now, all this said, there are many reasons why couples may have started out with separate accounts. And some of those reasons – trauma following a prior financial betrayal, a gambling addiction, a neurodiverse spouse – require more specialized attention and counsel, which we urge you to seek out right away. But in general, for those keeping separate accounts out of convenience or fear of being “all in,” I hope these findings will challenge and encourage you. I hope you will use this special time of year to reach for the higher levels of happiness and commitment in your marriage that come when you take what seems like a risk … and realize it brings great security instead.
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