What Adult Children Need – And Don’t Need – From Their Parents

Action #4: Offer “we are there for you” support 

In part 1 of my Empty Nest series, I talked about the importance of transitioning from counselor to coach – and this informal survey confirmed it. The young adults expressed a need for their parents to believe in them and encourage them. One respondent expressed the need for parents to support his mental health; another just wanted to be told she’s doing a good job and really needs to know that her parents’ love is unconditional. 

The good news is: many parents are indeed reinforcing adult kids in supportive, healthy ways! I was so encouraged to see that, in response to my survey question, “How well are your parents doing at matching the involvement level you want?” most respondents said parents were either “doing great” or “doing pretty well.” Granted, this was an informal survey, but still! 

It was also incredibly encouraging to see how many young adults said their parents were indeed there for them.  

One young woman said, “I would want my parents to know that they have done a great job. I feel like they are hard on themselves because they see me floundering a bit, but I feel like that’s normal for every new adult. I would much rather have a great and loving relationship with my parents and know they’re always there for me if I come to them, than have them prevent me from floundering at all by dictating my every move. I would also want to tell my parents that I wish I saw them more, because I miss hanging out with them every day.” 

So, for all those parents of young adults out there … let’s exhale. We may not be perfect, but in many cases, we are navigating this new and rather weird season fairly well. So ask your kids what they need (and don’t need) from you. Make a commitment to not be defensive about their responses. Enjoy these young people whose possibilities (and opinions) are endless! Tell them they’re doing a good job.  

 And maybe, just maybe, stop tracking their location. 

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