Step #5: Step in when the obstacle becomes a cliff
We have to be ready to step in with wisdom and direction if our kids (or adult kids) are truly in danger or in over their heads. Walking parallel to our kids in an involved but not over-involved way, allows us to do this. When a child trips and falls because of a pothole in the road, that’s one thing. It’s an entirely different situation when tripping will pitch them over a cliff.
As we’re talking about avoiding snowplow parenting, we’re not talking about letting our kids do whatever they want. Even the teens themselves – on our nationally-representative survey – secretly don’t want that. (For more, see this series, “The Good Thing About Being the Bad Guy.”)
After all, their judgment isn’t always sound – so ours must be. As adolescent psychotherapist Dr. Julie Carbery shared in For Parents Only, the freedom our teens are striving for “[is] intoxicating. It’s addictive … They will do anything to get it, and they are terrified of losing it.”
A teenager “under the influence” of freedom, and whose brain is not fully developed, will sometimes do really stupid things. So allowing unmonitored high-stakes and/or reckless activities that can change the entire course of their lives is in a different category. That is not what we are talking about here.
In addition, we are not saying to never rescue a child. Remember, when the disciple named Peter took a brave step out onto the water and then began to flail, Jesus didn’t hesitate to lift him back to safety.
This leads to our very important next step.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In