10 Things I Would Do Over as a Stepmom

1. Assuming we would be one big new, happy family

The fact that family harmony wasn’t automatic dashed my dreams. Yet reality tells us that stepfamilies are built on a foundation of loss—either death or divorce. I’ll say that again, because it’s that important: stepfamilies are built on a foundation of loss. Even though my husband and I were elated over our second chance at love, our children carried unspoken grief that they didn’t fully understand. The tangle of childhood emotions and loyalties can keep stepchildren suspicious of the new stepparent and the new stepsiblings, creating a recipe for one big stressful situation rather than one big happy family. A reality check and compassion for the kids and what they were going through would have gone much further than sights that were set on adult ideas and dreams.