What Parents Need to Know About College Kids Mental Health 2

Tip #2: Establish a check-in system

If your college kid is a talker, phone check-ins may work great. But what if, like Amy’s son, your student deals in one-word answers? Or what if their best times to talk (think 2 a.m.) aren’t yours? (Or what if your best times aren’t theirs? I still laugh with my mom about how she and my dad used to call my freshman hall phone at 8 a.m. on Saturday mornings!)

One of my friends devised a brilliant check-in system with her college kids, all of whom wrestle with the usual anxiety at times. My friend asked each of them to text her a sequence of six numbers every day.

On a range of 1 to 3 (1 for struggling, 2 for doing okay, and 3 for thriving), her kids rated how they were feeling about each of these that day:

• Sleep
• Eating/nutrition
• Exercise
• Academics
• Social life
• Emotional / spiritual life

The numbers gave my friend direction on how to pray. Plus, if the student answered “1” in any area, they agreed they were giving my friend permission to ask about it if it seemed necessary (for example, if it was a trend).

Another woman with several college kids made sure her son (who experienced depression) knew he could say anything to her. Anything. “This is a tough one because you might hear things that are hard to hear,” she said. But it kept the lines of communication open.

To that end, another friend’s college son confessed a weed addiction to her during his junior year. Rather than grill him about why he tried it or where he got the money or how he could be so stupid (all of which flashed through her mind!) she asked, “Would you like to move home while we figure this out?”

He said, “Yeah Mom, I really would.”

With support, he realized he was overloaded with stress. He identified steps to de-stress in healthier ways—including lightening his course load to graduate a semester later, plugging into church community, and exercising more.

There are plenty of ways you can touch base in a way that works for both of you. The key, as Amy mentioned last week, is to be sure to check in regularly, especially in the first semester.