Step #3: Start Over
In Revelation, God speaks to a church that had worked itself into exhaustion, losing its passionate love in the process. He tells them: “Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first…” (Revelation 2:5a, NLT). God is reminding them to return to the actions that once fueled their love.
In marriage, this means asking: What things did you do when you first fell in love? Before life got so busy, what brought you closer together? Early on, it may have seemed effortless to make time for fun, laughter, and togetherness. But as the years pass, those things stop happening automatically. In the beginning, these actions are instinctive, but for a relationship to endure, they must become intentional.
If you’re burned out in your marriage, you don’t have to stay that way. It’s absolutely possible to rekindle the feelings that have faded. I see it all the time. So start by taking care of yourself, reducing stress wherever you can, and intentionally bringing back the activities that energized your relationship in the beginning. If you’re willing to invest the effort, I believe you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the results.
Jonathan Hoover, Ph.D. is the senior associate pastor at NewSpring Church in Wichita, Kansas. He is also an assistant professor at Regent University, where he teaches, among other classes, a course on the integration of psychology and Christianity. A third-generation pastor, his specific research interest is clergy burnout and self-care.
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