Expectation #1: Conflict resolution will be ultra-romantic
Her starry-eyed assumption: Just like in the rom-coms and romance novels, my spouse will gather me into a warm hug to bring arguments to a sweet, loving conclusion.
Reality: In conflict, he’s more likely to want (even need) to temporarily escape than to embrace. The goal is always for arguments to resolve with reconnection, but it may take time to get there. Here’s why: As women rapidly express a range of emotions and opinions (which we are more inherently wired to do) our guys’ brains rapidly hit a stage of high alert. They often need to step away and process what they’ve heard before they can take in more. Most men truly are wired to do one thing at a time (think, deal with emotions, talk) while most women are wired to do all three at once!
What to do: Understand that in an argument, our natural responses may be very different. Women often want to resolve an argument and be reconciled with our spouse (hence the warm embrace trope)—even if that means following him around the house in order to Just. Finish. The. Argument. This can wind up having the opposite effect. Your husband will nominate you for sainthood if, in the middle of a disagreement, you ask him if he needs to step away for a little while to process.
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