Expectation #3: My guy will know me so well that he reads my mind
Her starry-eyed assumption: As months turn into years, he will automatically anticipate what I need.
Reality: Often we expect things from our spouse that we haven’t actually communicated. And then since—shocker—he’s not and will never be a mind reader, we wind up frustrated or disappointed.
What to do: Our research shows that what you do in this moment of let-down really matters. Will you focus on the negative or the positive?
Take this example: Let’s say you’re a young mom with young kids … and you desperately need a break. Your husband takes over so you can go out with your friends. Because you’ve been overwhelmed, you might expect to come home to the blessing of an organized house—but you never actually put that into words. Instead, you walk in to find toys and books everywhere, and your husband just woke up after obviously cuddling your 2-year-old to sleep. You start fuming about the clean-up instead of realizing something beautiful. The kids had an amazing time with their dad! You can:
- Blast him for the mess
- Mutter about having to pick the house up when you’ve already been overwhelmed
- Ask him to tell you about the evening, invite him to help you pick things up, and maybe even flirt a little as you go
Take a guess which one will lead to a positive outcome?
Here’s the deal: If your guy is like 99.26% of other men (yes, that is a real statistic from our surveys), he deeply cares about you, wants to make you happy and doesn’t want to cause disappointment. In other words, he works hard to not disappoint you. Just help him out next time by telling him you’re overwhelmed and would love it so much if you came home to a clean house.
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