Expectation #4: My husband will be just like my best girlfriend
Her starry-eyed assumption: Once we’re married and all moved-in together, he’ll be my BFF—listening to all my hopes and dreams.
Reality: While your guy really does want a built-in best friend—and in the best marriages couples treat each other like best friends!—he may not have capacity to listen to allllll your ideas and dreams daily. Our research for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages found that that 83% of very happy couples hang out with their spouse at least weekly. They love time together. But, this may not look like an idealized (again, blame the rom-coms) notion of what we might be anticipating—especially if we’ve just moved from an apartment full of female roommates into a house with our spouse!
What to do: Our research has found time and time again that our husbands want to be with us. They want to hear our heart. They want to know, and share, our dreams. In my research for For Women Only, we asked one open-ended survey question. We wanted to find out what men most want their wives to know but have a hard time trying to explain. Their number-one answer?
How much I love her.
So when there’s a BFF disconnect, here’s what to do: Gently remind yourself that your spouse may have less capacity to listen for hours on end. This goes back to assumption #1 from last week, and the fact that he’s likely not wired to take in an avalanche of words at once, especially after a long day. It’s not lack of interest. It’s just different wiring.
Pick the highlights and trust his love for you. This is a recipe for heart happiness, not heartache.
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