At a Loss When Your Husband Gets Lost: It’s Not Just About the Directions

Last updated on: July 13, 2015 at 12:44 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, It makes me insane when my husband doesn’t ask for directions. Last weekend we were meeting friends at a new restaurant and I got the cold sweats while I watched the minutes tick by as my husband tried to guess his way there. And what’s crazy is that we have a GPS in the car! I started it up but he got irritated and told me stop hassling him. And then I got irritated and told him he was being unreasonable… and he shut down the rest of the night. How can I make him understand that asking for directions is no big deal? Read more

Your Teen Is Watching Even If She Doesn’t Seem to Be Listening

Last updated on: September 25, 2019 at 8:19 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, My daughter is 15 years old and I am worried that she is starting to push away not just from her dad and me but also from some of the beliefs we hold dear. What should we do? – Concerned about wandering Dear Concerned about wandering, This is definitely a sensitive subject and it touches on that very strong need in teens for freedom while at the same time creating a sense of fear in parents. We want... Read more

How Do I Get My Teen to Comply Without Complaining?

Last updated on: September 25, 2019 at 8:18 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I am constantly butting heads with my 14 year-old daughter. Yesterday, she asked if she could go to a concert with a group of kids that I don’t know. With her friend’s 16 year-old brother as the driver! I said “no” to that idea before she even finished talking! She’s been pouting ever since. She complains that I have too many “arbitrary” rules and don’t explain myself. I tell her the fact that I’m her dad is the... Read more

Don’t Give the Death Sentence for a Misdemeanor Crime

Last updated on: September 25, 2019 at 8:16 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, My 16-year-old son came home an hour past curfew over the weekend – walked in like it was no big deal! “Hey, sorry my battery was dead so I couldn’t text you.” And then when he saw how upset we were he was like, “It was only an hour!” We said, “Yeah, well, that was an hour we spent wondering if you were in a ditch somewhere!” We took away his car privileges for two weeks and he... Read more

Don’t Force Your Sex Life into Hibernation Mode By Choosing Sleep Over Sex

Last updated on: December 23, 2015 at 4:29 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, We have young kids, and often I’m so exhausted that I just want to go to sleep without my husband trying to start something. Most of the time I have absolutely no interest in sex late at night, after running afternoon carpool, juggling karate and ballet lessons, making dinner, helping with homework (my husband helps too), and returning work emails. But my husband gets upset when I tell him to please leave me alone. Seriously? It’s nothing personal!... Read more

Crime and Punishment: When Do Teens Deserve Cell-Phone Restriction?

Last updated on: June 12, 2015 at 9:51 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, Undoubtedly, the most effective punishment for my teenage daughter is taking away her cell phone. There’s just one little problem: she freaks out when I do. I’m certain I’d get less of a freak-out if I ordered her to sleep in a box in the yard for a week (hmmm…) What’s her deal? It’s not like she doesn’t see these kids in school! I’ll sign this letter with the name I’m best known for around the house these... Read more

Why Your Male Co-Worker May Be Annoyed at You

Last updated on: September 24, 2019 at 4:12 pm By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I just got out of a big meeting where one of my male co-workers got super annoyed with me and I don’t know why. We’re trying to land a big contract and he was presenting his strategy to the group and our boss. A couple of times, I politely asked why he came to a particular decision, so he could explain it. I felt like everyone would benefit from the clarification. But the last time I asked why... Read more

Do We Have to Put Our Conflicts To Bed Before Lights Out?

Last updated on: September 26, 2019 at 11:47 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I’m about to pull my very tired hair out. My wife and I know we shouldn’t go to bed angry, but our arguments only get worse the later they go. I love my wife, but I truly can’t think straight after 11pm. Last night, I got so angry I said some hurtful things I shouldn’t have said. I told my wife I needed some time to process but my wife kept insisting we couldn’t go to bed mad.... Read more

Hard Truths are Still True: Taking Care of Yourself Shows You Care for Your Marriage

Last updated on: September 26, 2019 at 11:45 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I can hardly write this, I’m so upset by one of your columns. You shared that it was important for a woman to “take care of herself” for her husband, and that it was “the effort that mattered” not the results. First of all, this is a dangerous throwback to 1950’s America where the little woman was supposed to greet the conquering hero at the door in a skirt and high heels. The notion that a woman should have to do that makes me sick. But more important, I am deeply skeptical of your contention that the effort is what matters to men. Any man who says he wants his wife to take care of herself, is really saying that he wants the Sports Illustrated supermodel and if she doesn’t meet that standard, it’s time to trade her in for a newer model. I cannot believe that someone with your experience and education would be so susceptible to misogynistic propaganda. How can you possibly defend what these men are saying? Read more

Beyond the Candlelight: Finding Romance In Unusual Places

Last updated on: June 15, 2015 at 8:52 am By Shaunti Feldhahn

Dear Shaunti, I wish my husband were more romantic. I love spending time with him—we work out together and go to the movies, you know, normal couple stuff—but some of my best friends have husbands who plan candlelit dinners or whisk them off on romantic getaways a lot. My best friend’s boyfriend just surprised her with a picnic on the Commons downtown over the weekend. And my husband? He asked me if I wanted to go hit golf balls. Sometimes I’m like: seriously? Golf balls?! What happened to the candlelight dinners, you know? Read more