Aha!

From a helpful anonymous commentor in Los Gatos, CA (left on an old post I am not linking back to, since that particular post ought to remain buried in the archives where no one can read it ever again):

Did you ever think that, maybe, just maybe, you’re really stupid and you’re husband is not? And that’s why your mind doesn’t run to philosophy and poetry the way his does? No offense, but you’re clearly just not very intelligent compared to most women and are completely fulfilled by being ‘barefoot and pregnant’. That’s nice for you. Well done for finding your calling in life.

Please don’t extrapolate your limited perspective on the world to generalities. Stick to being barefoot and pregnant and talking about babies if that’s your calling in life. I can see why your mind doesn’t run to philosophy easily. You’re just not very bright. 

No wonder I have so much trouble forming coherent arguments and learning the difference between lay and lie and it’s and its! It’s because I’m really stupid! Damn, I wish someone had just told me that sooner. It would have saved my poor brain countless hours of pointless, pesky thinking.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to bake brownies while barefoot and talk adoringly to my pregnant belly! After all, those are the only two things in life that completely fulfill me.

Thanks for liberating me, anonymous commentor! I’m much happier in the kitchen where I belong. Also, you used the wrong form of “you’re” in your first sentence. But I only noticed that because my husband pointed it out.