‘Twas the Night before Induction

‘Twas the night before induction, and all through the house,

little creatures would stomp, with a grumble and grouse,

  toward the pajamas all laid on the sofa with care

in hopes that bedtime would soon be there.

The children danced wildly by the bathroom sink,

while Mom considered putting NyQuil in their drinks.

Dada wrangled one girl into a diaper on the floor

and Mom just turned her back for a second, no more,

When from the little one’s room there arose such a clatter

Mom dropped a dish in the sink to see what was the matter

Away down the hallway Mom flew like a flash,

Tore open the closet door and inhaled with a gasp.

The sticky pink medicine spread over the floor

and a guilty pink smile the little boy wore.

And what to her shocked ears would Poison Control say

but “call an ambulance right now, this instant, don’t delay!”

The two drivers were quick, with their lights flashing bright,

and all the neighbors thought the baby was coming tonight.

Mom was more than a little embarrassed to tell them

that Liam had just drank a bottle of cough medicine.

The ambulance drivers weren’t sure what to do

so they yelled, “to the Google Machine!” (for real) (sorry that doesn’t rhyme)

“To Web Md! To HealthTap and MedicineNet!

And Mom, have you thought to call Poison Control yet?”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

so up to the house-top Mom’s pregnant head swelled

until she thought it would surely explode when she yelled.

And then, sensing danger, Dad took the little ones outside

to look at the lights flashing dollar bill signs.

The paramedics concluded there was no danger here,

and drove off with a wave and infuriating good cheer.

Mom collapsed in a teary, exhausted heap in a chair

while Dad put the kids to bed and then patted her hair.

“I know you needed sleep and relaxation tonight more than most,

but look at it this way, my dear — this will make a great post!”

(Be back tomorrow with the story of how Pitocin is the Devil, and why you should never watch Jumanji before blacking out)