Bob considers himself to be a compulsive masturbator. His daily routine once he gets out of bed is to immediately go to confession. He lives in terror that one of these days he will get run over by a streetcar or suffer a heart-attack in between getting up and getting to church. He sincerely fears that if this should happen, God will send him to hell. Bob is not the name of a particular person. He’s an extreme case, but… Read more
August 1, 2019
A Biblical Account of Toxic Femininity
August 1, 2019 By Melinda Selmys
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It’s finally time to talk about toxic femininity. In our previous discussions of toxic masculinity there were two types of masculine identities that I identified as toxic: those which are puerile, and those which are outdated. The man-child who expects his wife to look after him the same way that his mother did falls into the first category. The man who resents modernity and dreams of returning to a version of the past that exists only in his own fantasies… Read more
July 9, 2019
What is Gender Anyway?
July 9, 2019 By Melinda Selmys
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“Toxic femininity” is one of those terms that’s incredibly problematic, largely because it was first formulated as a form of tu quoque. “Well, if there’s toxic masculinity doesn’t that imply that there’s toxic femininity too? Aren’t women just as capable of being toxic as men?” Gotcha! Everyone (except the person doing it) recognizes this as a rather tedious form of argument: the grown-up equivalent of “I know you are, but what am I.” And predictably, in most cases the person… Read more
July 5, 2019
Toxic Masculinity, Toxic Masculinity, TOOO-XIC Masculinity (And Femininity Too-oo-oooo)
July 5, 2019 By Melinda Selmys
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Is masculinity really toxic? And if there’s toxic masculinity, shouldn’t there be toxic femininity too? For whatever reason, these topics have come up a lot in my feed over the past few days. Including this rather odd old article from Quillette where the author (who seems like an intelligent, reasonable sort even if I don’t agree with her much) unintentionally reveals that a lot of people who object to the idea of “toxic masculinity” don’t really know what it is… Read more
June 25, 2019
Get Behind Me, Tony Esolen: Stop Making Marriage a Sadist’s Playground
June 25, 2019 By Melinda Selmys
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Usually I avoid reading Crisis magazine because I think it’s editorial policy is quite literally Luciferian: they spew evil while presenting themselves as the shining defenders of truth and light. Now, it’s said that you shouldn’t argue with the devil because he is smarter than you and he will always win. Fortunately, Crisis writer Tony Esolen has no such credentials. Although his most recent offering on marriage is chillingly dangerous in application, it’s also desperately poor in argumentation. However it… Read more
May 5, 2019
Don’t Unfriend the Nazi: How Ideological Abuse Isolates Its Victims
May 5, 2019 By Melinda Selmys
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I’ve been thinking a lot about the “do you have to unfriend the Nazi” controversy. I know, I know, it’s dead. It’s buried. Long dead. Why bring it up again? Well, because I was reading a totally unrelated article about how to spot red flags for abusive relationships — and I finally figured out what it is about the controversy that bothered me so much. It’s the red flags. Woman undergoes a change in her values, personality and ideology almost… Read more
April 30, 2019
The Powerlessness of Prayer: On Detaching with Love
April 30, 2019 By Melinda Selmys
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I had called, and shouted, and pleaded, bullied and begged, bargained and cajoled, prayed and wept a hundred thousand times for my ex to come forth, out of the tomb of his addiction, and he never did. But now, maybe, when I had let go, had moved out of God’s way, maybe now it would work? Read more
April 21, 2019
Fearful Resurrection
April 21, 2019 By Melinda Selmys
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We always see the Resurrection from the point of view of those who witnessed it. Those who saw you in the garden, who ran to see the open tomb. But I wonder, what was it like, opening your eyes in the early hours of the morning, seeing the first sliver of light as the stone rolled back, ending the eclipse of life by death. I think we often imagine it, if at all, as a something from a superhero movie…. Read more
April 14, 2019
The Power of Negative Thinking: On Trauma and Validation
April 14, 2019 By Melinda Selmys
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It was my last year of high-school, late at night, and my boyfriend, J, was driving me home. Or rather, that’s where he was supposed to be driving me. Instead, he put on some loud and violent music that I told him I didn’t like and started driving out to the middle of nowhere. As he drove, he talked about how he wanted to kill me. My emotional reaction at the time was slightly puzzling, but also pleasing to me…. Read more
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Moderation Problems
This is just a super brief update to let you all know that I’ve tried to fix the moderation issues that have been coming up recently. I edited the list of restricted words which, I assume, Patheos had helpfully added to my blog. We should now be able to talk about sex, queer people, gay rights and people with jobs again. Also, menstruation, masturbation and uteruses are no longer forbidden topics of conversation. I’ve allowed most of the more common… Read more