“No wonder she hates NFP so much,” the woman wrote. “NFP won’t work with an alcoholic.” In all of the years that I practiced and researched natural family planning – in all of the articles and studies that I read – do you know how many times I encountered this piece of invaluable wisdom? None. Of course now that I’ve seen it laid out, simply, in print, I can see that it’s obvious. Alcoholism involves an inability to take responsibility... Read more
One of the things that made it difficult for me to end my relationship with my alcoholic husband was a feeling that I was being unfair to him. After all, if alcoholism is an illness and drinking is a symptom of the disease then how can you hold someone responsible? If it’s not a voluntary thing, then it seems that the person isn’t really culpable for their behaviour. Certainly he didn’t seem to think that he was free to stop... Read more
One of the commenters on my previous post suggested that I should make my next blog post one where I acknowledge my own culpability and look at how I might have harmed my marriage. She recommended Retrouvaille and suggested that my friendship with another man might have caused my husband to numb himself with alcohol. Ahem. So, I want to talk about this, because there is a sense in which it represents a typical Catholic approach to marital conflict —... Read more
About a year and a half ago, my older children came to me and told me that something had to change. Their father had been abusing alcohol for most of our married life, and his alcoholism had reached a point where it was having serious negative effects on the rest of the family. My kids were dealing with mental health problems, they felt isolated and controlled, and they needed me to do something to stop the chaos and abuse that... Read more
This is not a defence of relativism. It is a challenge to the concept of “objectivity,” and in particular to the way in which claims of objectivity are weaponized in discussions about truth. We’ve all been in this conversations: someone makes an assertion that is contradicted by your experience. So you share your story and you’re instantly accused of arguing from emotion or of projecting your own experience onto reality. Your interlocutor, of course, is not swayed by such considerations.... Read more
Simcha Fisher recently published an article comparing dissenting from the Catholic church’s position on things like women in the priesthood and contraception to sexual assault. Basically, her premise is that the church has said “No” and “No means no.” Therefore it is wrong to try to pressure the church into changing its position on these things. What Fisher misses is that there is a difference between rules and boundaries. “No means no” is only valid in an absolute sense when... Read more
Apparently my old friend Austin Ruse has joined the chorus of people who think that I left the Catholic church because I’m obsessed with power. It’s a standard reply to feminists who want power-sharing in the church. “If you think the gospel is about power, you’ve got it wrong.” So, I want to talk briefly about the difference between power-lust and empowerment. They both concern power, that’s true, but they don’t both involve grasping after power. It’s kind of like... Read more
In the past two days, I received correspondence from two different Catholic priests reacting to the news that I was leaving the Roman Catholic church. One drew me closer to the church, made me more receptive to the idea that one day I might want to return. The other solidified my suspicions that members of the hierarchy use abuse tactics to secure compliance from the faithful. The second letter was a variety of correspondence that I’ve only ever received from... Read more
A while ago, one of my atheist commenters observed that watching me grapple with my doubts about the authority of the Catholic hierarchy was like watching a train-wreck in slow motion. I didn’t respond, partly because although I wanted to tell myself that no, it wasn’t true, on some level I suspected that they were right. Just it was my train, and I was on it, and I didn’t want to admit that the jolting shocks, the screech of metal... Read more
The last time I attended a Catholic church was a couple of weeks ago. I basically sat in the back of the Church and cried the entire time. The pastors decided that they were going to address the abuse crisis head-on, and they did a relatively good job of it. They prayed for the victims. They said that there was going to be a special Mass with adoration to pray for the healing of the victims. They acknowledged the concerns... Read more
Catholic Authenticity
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