Rejected Patheos Catholic Blogs

Rejected Patheos Catholic Blogs July 5, 2020

We live in an age where anybody can post anything online anywhere.  But sometimes people want to break into the big time. They want their small no-nothing blog to be uplifted and given an bigger audience. And of course sometimes the person in charge has to discriminate and stamp a big fat

NO

on their request.

Well readers, I looked into the archives of Patheos Catholic and read some of the people whose blogs have been rejected for one reason or another. I have withheld their names to protect their fragile personalities that had been denied a voice in the greater Catholic world of online blogging. Also some of them are just several pages short of the Summa Theologica.  Like this first guy…

Angrier  Catholic

The church is infested today with modernist heretical lunatics who promulgate inferior theology for the sake of a few mouse clicks. We have hacks like Pope Francis saying condemned masses like the fake Novus Ordo and saying we shouldn’t kill stinking murders who deserve to plucked from this earth like fleas off a dog.  Well I’ve had enough of it and I’m ready to tell you the true believer what True Catholic Faith is all about. If Rebecca Weiss is Catholic enough to add me to her ranks, it will do Patheos a world of Good and probably save a lot of souls from damnation. She should chuck from her ranks those nasty bloggers who keep clogging up the spiritual arteries of souls such as that no-good Catholic Bard. I challenge any Catholics pathetic blogs anywhere on the net to come at me.  Rene Albert I’m ready to take apart your demon loving metal music. Mark Shea you won’t Enjoy being Catholic when I’m done with you.  I’m looking at you Steve macho Skojec and Lifesite Pathetic News. Lino Rulli come at me with your big nose. Jimmy Akin let’s dance. All pansies whom couldn’t construct a coherent theological argument if St. Thomas Aquinas was telling them what to write.  Remember the only straight Catholic insight you’ll ever get is from the Catholic I trust the most. Angrier Catholic. Some poser already took the name Angry Catholic on Twitter which makes me an angrier Catholic.

Bergoglio the Commie

Startling Evidence!

Undeniable Evidence!

Why does the self-proclaimed Pope Francis keep screwing up church teaching by uttering dumb heretical things?

Is he out to destroy the church on his own for kicks?

Why did he personally try to sabotage Taylor Marshall’s website?

Or is he a secret communist sent into destroy the church?

We explore this 4th option with optimal evidence that it is 110% True.

It’s as true as the fact that Trump is a better Catholic then Bergoglio and he’s not even Catholic.

Your Skeptical?  I see.

Well it might help if I told you Our Lady of Fatima, Bayside and Hell, Norway back up my claims.

Come and explore the Truth of our website with full backing of the real Pope, B16 and Pope John 1 from beyond the grave as I talk to him through my own personal medium.

I knew ever since Bergolio tossed me out of that bar back in Argentina he was a no-good commie.

Biblical Evidence Against Catholicism

Dave Armstrong is a worthy opponent indeed. But he lacks the real biblical depth to defend the Catholic church. He writes long and hard. So long that, whew, who can keep up. Well we at BEAC can. That is the purpose of our apostolate. To dispute, critique, and answer every post that DA writes and debunk and dismantle it. We use the true Word of God given to us in God’s English in the only real translation, The King James.  Dave has a Catholic bible which contains errors galore. Errors written not by the holy spirit but by one of his fallen angels who is now leader of hell. I’m sure he’s a nice guy in person, but were not out to be nice, were out to save souls and give them the truth, especially those caught in the grip of Catholic Lies and Falsehoods. Why write anti-Catholic stuff on a Catholic site. Easy. So Catholics will see it and be convinced of the truth. Why would they publish us here? Cause those in charge of Catholic things don’t pay attention, and we may catch someone’s eye with the honest to goodness King James truth as we present Biblical Evidence Against Catholicism.

Catholic and Excited About It

Welcome to my blog.

It’s going to be exciting.

We will talk about Stuff.

Catholic stuff probably.

Like stuff about Jesus.

He is God, I guess.

I like to write stuff.

It’s what you do with a blog.

Yeah.

Emm. That’s all for now, I guess.

Hope you like stuff, cause that is what will talk about.

Diabolus Odit, Et Latine.

Latina est lingua officialis Ecclesiae, ita ut lingua utimur deferat Veritas Dei in hoc blog. Si non intelligit latine, tibi optimum discere, sic vos can lego nostrum postes. Non discere latine mortale peccatum praedicant, nisi quemadmodum stultus discere, sed Deus, ut adhuc miserere vos ad punctum ante te mori, ut possis dicere oratio Deus actu intelligit.

Translator 

 

Jack Hackett Catholic Drinking Society

DRINK!

NUNS!

Still Writing this Frekin Blog!

I’d Give you an opinion, but that would be an ecumenical matter.

DRINK!

Jimmy Akin’s Mysterious World Order

If you have ever listened to Jimmy Akin’s Mysterious World, you have to wonder… how does he come up with information on all those mysterious. Why so many shows on aliens and beings from other dimensions and time travelers? Why so many episodes donated to Star Trek and Dr. Who. Is it because he’s an Alien himself?

Let’s Discuss the evidence and how he is leading a growing army of aliens set to take over the world as The New World Order.

Jesus Loves Guns

Heretics. Liberals. Statue Breakers.

Yeah, these people wouldn’t come around if they saw you standing outside the church with your Bushmaster AR-15 Semiautomatic Rifle. Standing outside places of worship and prayer with your gun ready to go while strumming your rosary beads is the way to scare Satan and his minions. Never mind the pro-life sign of ‘Choose Life’. Have a f*$(#ing gun pointed at them and they’ll forget what their doing and go home and have that baby. I’ve been to different shrines with my holy AR-15 having it blessed by the priest, ready to blast some pervert if necessary. If Peter had had a gun, BOOM, those Romans and Chief priests would not have laid a hand on our Lord. Matrix Eastwood Style Catholic Gun Loving is the name of the game at Jesus Loves Guns

Reign of Mary

Use the saucer! Get rid of the egalitarian “mug” (for which there is no place except Oktoberfest) and obnoxious thermoses. Consider this: What sort of implements will we use to drink coffee at the Heavenly courts, in the presence of Our Lord and Lady?—Certainly not mugs or plastic things! So, if you find it unthinkable to do it in Heaven, and aren’t bound by necessity or poverty to do otherwise here on earth, Why Do It?
Use the Saucer. 18 December 2018 The Abandoned Coffee Saucer: Another Concession to the Revolution

When I was attending to a Sunday party, and I witnessed a fellow guest walk about the house (in the presence of ladies no less) in his socks. Shocking, and extremely offensive!

By restoring the elementary good custom of wearing shoes indoors, we can make no small progress in defeating the casual Revolution that is continually destroying what little remains of the dignity of mankind. In doing so, we will restore some dignity to ourselves, our families, and our homes.
Please, Do Not Remove Shoes Indoors (13 May 2020) reignofmary.blogspot.com

Single True Catholic

Let’s face it ladies, finding a True Catholic to marry is as hard as finding a bad republican. There aren’t many around. That is why if you read my blog you will find many good reasons to want to have me as your future spouse. I’m a good man who is good at being the head of the house. I’m a man you will want to submit to. If you follow my headship you could be my wife. If you wanna be the boss, look elsewhere baby.  We are going to home-school our many children because we are going to make lots of em. Whenever I want sex, you will be so enamored with the overall maleness dripping from my body, you will open yourself to me every single time even if your not in the mood, you will be.  And please if you’re the type of woman who wears pants, you might want to read another blog cause if you read mine, you will change your mind about it. This is a guarantee.  I don’t expect this blog to last long. 50 posts top. By then I will make a decision about who gets to be my subjected subject. Get ready ladies, for the blogging greatness of Single True Catholic.

Wel Writtten Catolic

I been bloggen for 10 yeas. Itiss in my blod, to peach and teach bout the word ofGod.  Iam glad to be able to share my hard earned thoughts bout.

Mary. I love the blessed mom of God. Pay a Roseary every nite be4 I blog about the catholic world. Some complane about the way I write, but who cares about gammer if you have a goot hearrte about ya. Look beyond the written word on the page to see the witten word on soulss. On a fire without Gods love, love love. Love.

Women Don’t Wear Pants

Everyone knows how attractive women are. This is why they need to cover themselves up. They are just designed with unequal beauty that fallen man can’t cope with. This is why they should never wear pants. Pants reveal the sensual nature of women. This is a fashion that is exclusive to men as it says so in several papal documents over the last several decades of church history. If it weren’t for the liberal idea of women wearing pants we might have avoided World War 1 and 2. We might not have as many abortions and more people would go to mass. We might have better more wholesome movies and not so many fat people. You want Covid and Racism to go away, wear skirts and dresses women.  This blog will help you realize that a  hurting world must have women who don’t wear pants.

AND THERE YOU GO

12 Rejected blogs.

12 bits of humor and satire.

1 blog site is actually real and running.


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3 responses to “Rejected Patheos Catholic Blogs”

  1. Heh…thought you might enjoy at least one* NON-spam/robotic comment on your hilarious satire of Perhaps Catholic bloggers! (*oops, just saw Dave’s, so two then!)

    Very funny! Although Biblical Evidence Against Catholicism is really just most of Bob Jones University, right?

    Anyhoo, thanks for the chuckles!

  2. I was just telling my fellow writers about this stupid spam and than your sunny remark. Thanks. I didn’t know if my satire would work or not. I wasn’t thinking of Bob Jones in particular. I think I just tried to think of funny stuff. I’ll have to do more. Thanks again.

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