Unreal Cinematic History

Unreal Cinematic History September 9, 2020

Someday 2020 will be history. Sometimes while living history it’s important to forget about it for awhile and get to know past history, because it is important to know our history.  Knowing our history tells us where we have been, where we are now and where we might go into the future. This is important if you ever get a time machine. Here are some important historical events that have influenced the lives of people everywhere across our globe. Also, probably across time and space. As fantastic as these events are, it is important to remember that truth is stranger than fiction and that in another universe these events might be considered non-fiction, but here I present the stark reality that these events are in and of themselves. I decided to pick one decade to unpack this historical treat.

1975 -1985

I begin our historical look into unreal events in….

1975
A trio consisting of a police chief, oceanographer and a professional shark hunter team up to take down a killer shark bent on terrorizing Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts. The Shark vs. Man events is chronicled by a person known only as Spielberg. This incident sets off a chain of big blockbuster larger than life news incidents that have impacted American life and life in general around the globe.

Watch Jaws (Movie) | HBO

Historian Monty Python informs the world about the true tale of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. This includes the fact that King Arthur didn’t ride a horse but had his patsy bang two coconuts together as they strode around England looking for knights to search for the holy grail. This includes the tale of how Arthur defeated the black knight and the killer rabbit of Caerbannog with the “Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch”

1976
A giant ape named Kong gets loose in NY causing maddens and mayhem. His final confrontation with the military comes when he climbs atop of the World Trade Center. A giant ape running around NY happen once in 1933 during the great depression. It seems as if Apes have a thing for destroying NY just as giant mutated lizards have a thing for destroying Tokyo, Japan.

On a lighter note unknown boxer Rocky Balboa goes up against heavyweight boxing world champion, Apollo Creed and survives 15 rounds with the unbeatable boxer. He is the first person to ever knock Creed down.

1977
May 25, 1977: Scientist George Lucas opens a wormhole to A Galaxy Far Far Away. People of all walks of life, rich and poor, religious and non-religious, nerds and geeks, learn of this ‘Star Wars’ light years away from our planet.

Two days later on
May 27, 1977– Space Mountain opens at Disneyland which brings visitors on a short trip through space at lighting speeds. Is the fact that this opens a few days after Lucas discovers his wormhole to another universe a coincidence? I think not.

Space Mountain - Magic Kingdom Tomorrowland

The man who chronicled the shark epidemic also chronicles the surge in UFO sightings. When the UFOS finally land and make a close encounter with humanity they choose chief Brody lookalike electrical lineman Roy Neary to join them in their quest though the stars. Some people despite contact with another race from another planet didn’t think it important enough to make real news. They made a mountain out of mashed potatoes they said.

1978
A being from another planet makes his appearance on the world stage. He calls himself Superman and dedicates himself to fighting for Truth, Justice and the American Way. He stops the world from being destroyed by a madman named Lex Luther.

Interestingly while Superman is fighting to save the world from being destroyed, Police Chief Martin Brody is back fighting more sharks in Cape Cod.

Charlie Chaplin's Corpse Stolen by Body Snatchers | Dark History - YouTube

Another unbelievable event that is interesting that I won’t be silent about, is that on March 1, 1978, the late slapstick comedian Charlie Chaplin’s coffin was dug up and actually stolen from its grave by two unemployed immigrants, Roman Wardas, from Poland, and Gantcho Ganev, from Bulgaria. They thought it would be a good idea to hold his body for ransom from one of Chaplin’s many wives. The wife in question was Oona O’Neill – daughter of the American playwright Eugene O’Neill. This has the makings of a great film. Perhaps a slapstick movie in honor of great comedian. The pair were eventually caught in a large police operation two months later in May, and Chaplin’s coffin was found buried in a field in the nearby village of Noville. It was re-interred in the Corsier cemetery where it was stolen from and then surrounded by reinforced concrete to prevent this from happening again in the future. It is believed that this event somehow is connected to a future zombie apocalypse.

1979
Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed have a rematch.

Another mad scientist named Ridley opens up a wormhole to the future to witness some big Alien bug creature tear a future space exploration team apart leaving only a lone woman survivor alive along with her cat.

Rings of Jupiter - Wikipedia

Even after all this discovery of galaxy’s far far away and bug aliens and UFOS were still pretty siked when our spaceprobe U.S. Voyager 1 sends back photos to earth revealing Jupiter’s rings.

1980
The wormhole open by George Lucas opens again and Spiritual Guru Yoda from that galaxy far far away makes his appearance on the world stage offering advice and council to world leaders.

A bushman named Xi from the San tribe in the Kalahari Desert in the African continent finds a coke bottle thrown from a plane and because his tribe is so remote from civilization he thinks the crazy gods throw it down. It causes a lot of trouble for his tribe so he starts off on a journey to throw it off the edge of the world. Along the way he gets involved in a war and helps a manure studier and a teacher fall in love.

The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980) directed by Jamie Uys • Reviews, film + cast • Letterboxd

Superman battles some super villains from his home planet of Krypton. Somehow these super villains failed a coup on his planet before it blew up and got stuck in a floating piece of glass. Somehow, they got released and came to earth to wreak havoc.

1981
It is discovered that the Ark of the Covenant was found in the 1930’s by professor and archaeologist Dr. Henry Jones.

A young boy named Kevin teams up with a gang of fugitive dwarfs who are on the run from the supreme being. They travel through time doors to go to different points in history to steal treasure. They also eventually have to stop a malevolent being named Evil from destroying reality.

A time door gets left open and several people claim to have seen the clash of many titan gods and goddesses battling and fighting. Winged horses, mechanical owls and snaked haired women are seen in this conflict.

1982
An extra-terrestrial gets stranded on earth and befriends a boy and his family. His greatest joy on earth was getting the boy’s bikes to fly around town. Had he stayed on earth; he could have become a super hero.

Rockey Balboa steps in the ring once again to take on a man whose first name is Mr and middle name . and last name T. He also briefly has a bout with a wrestler named Thunderclips.

Creed II Almost Featured the Return of Mr. T's Clubber Lang | IndieWire

Another wormhole opens and we get to view a weird world which reminds one of middle earth, in which there is a group of nasty beings called Skeksis who are at odds with a group of monk type beings called the urRu. There is a dispute over some giant Crystal that controls the planet there on. A young creature called a Gelfling is the selected hero recruited to solve this dispute because it is believed he is the last of his kind. That is until he meets another, and woo hoo it’s a girl.

1983
George Lucas keeps opening up that darn portal. We now discover that a tribe of Teddy Bears on a forest moon help take down a sophisticated evil empire and a giant slug of a gangster gets chocked by royalty wearing a skimpy outfit. Also, a knight of some kind tries to turn his evil overlord of a father back from a life of killing people and ruling the galaxy with an evil elderly dictator.

Ewok | StarWars.com

Mike Brody, son of Police Chief Martin Brody is working at a waterpark in Florida. And guess what. Another shark menaces him and the people around him by attacking and eating people at the park. It is theorized at this point that this shark is a relative of the shark killed in 1975 and has it in for the Brody family.

While the Brodys are battling more Sharks, Superman battles a smart and clueless comedian, a band of evil bad writers and literally and actually his own self. This all happens as he returns for a class reunion in his hometown of Smallville.

1984

IMPORTANT NOTE For some reason the number of events in this year doubled from the previous years of importance.

The Archbishop of New York (also known as Mike) was called in by the Mayor Lenny for advice on what to do after strange supernatural events happen around New York. This eventually includes a giant marshmallow man recking havoc in downtown New York. A group known as the Ghostbusters is responsible for removal of the walking terror of fluff.

At Christmas time in a quaint little town called Kingston falls, a group of savage little monsters ravage the town only to be stopped by gathering in a movie theater to watch Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs.

It is also discovered that the professor who discovered the Ark of the Covenant and defeated some Nazi’s by somehow using the Ark to zap them and fry their faces, a few years earlier defeated an evil Indian cult and released the children they had kidnapped.

A young boy named Bastian Bux is chosen to read a magic book thus being able to save the world of Fantasia from an entity called The Nothing.

The NeverEnding Story' Movie Facts | Mental Floss

A cyborg assassin known as a Terminator arrives from 2029 to kill the mother of the future resistance leader who will destroy his kind. A human from the future also arrives to stop this cyborg. He doesn’t use a time door.

On a lighter note, a teen aged kid faces off against a bully at a karate match in much the same way Rocky did against Apollo Creed. He is taught by an old man who used to run a burger place. He is able to teach him karate and at the same time have him do his household chores while doing so. It is a method of karate known as Chore Chop.

1985

July 3, 1985– Doctor Emmet Brown invents time travel without a time door in the guise of a DeLorean. After being killed by Libyan terrorists at the Lone Pine Mall in California, Teenager Marty McFly accidentally travels to 1955 and almost erases himself from existence by disrupting the first meeting of his parents.

Rocky Balboa once again boxes in the fight of the century. This time Rocky goes up against the evil empire’s boxer Evan Drago. The fate of the world hung in the balance as Russia almost nukes the US after it’s star boxer lost the fight. This is actually only a conspiracy theory that really can’t be proven but often makes the conspiracy circuit rounds.

A group of unlikely kids discover the lost treasure of the infamous pirate One-Eyed Willy in a cave beneath their home town of the Goon Docks area of Astoria, Oregon.

I WANT MY ookcomMemorvLane80s TWO DOLLARS CLASSIC Film! rED | Meme on ME.ME

A relentless immortal paperboy hunts down a customer who owes him two dollars.

It was discovered that 50 years ago back in 1935 a woman named Kitty Haynes was watching a movie named ‘The Purple Rose of Cairo’ when one of the fictional characters named Tom Baxter steps out of the movie and into real life. The line between reality and fiction is now blurred.

 

And this is as good of a place as any to end this look into the past of influential unreal events.

But, I want to add one extra year.

Before we discovered a time door hidden in a wardrobe that took us to a land of talking animals ruled by a talking all powerful lion, our world got a dose of fantastical magic. We jump ahead to the year…

2001

Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings: Franchise Deathmatch 2

A group of teen wizards starts a war with another wizard and his gang of little people which consist of dwarfs and some race called Hobbits.  These battles last for about a decade or so.  Our world is not just full of extra terrestrial sci-fi timey whimy happenings, it is a place filled with the magic of stories told literaturely and cinematicly.


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