You have always been the spell. And even when the nights are longer than you’d like, you are the magick that knows how to hold your own hand, your own heart. You are the delight that creeps between flower petals and the stretch of a perfectly insistent leaf in the last moments of summer.
But hearts break.
We fall away from love. We sink ourselves into the quicksand by flailing and falling into where we know we shouldn’t step.
If only we could relax. If only we could slow down enough to hear the heart that believes in us.
And beats beyond the broken.
Reflecting on the Heart, Interrupted
In the days when my heart shatters, I feel the shards of reflections. The broken pieces that fall to the floor during inconvenient times, in sudden slips, and in moments where I wasn’t present enough.
I fell too. Between my fingers slipped the expected and the known. What was so beautiful became so broken. Or perhaps I hadn’t seen the small cracks. And it would be so easy for me to fall into the spell of shame. The shadow-y figure that waits in the corner to tell me that it’s all my fault. That it’s all my doing. That I was never worthy of the love to begin with.
Breathe. Come back to the heart. Come back to the body. Come back to the present moment where feelings are wide and wondering.
Curious. Still. Able to look it all in the eyes.
Into the Mirror: Come Home to Yourself
If there is anything I know right now, it is that everything I need is in my heart. This is the place that beats for me, knows me, and knows what I really need. But I only listen when it is hurting and hard. What if I listened when it was soft and slow?
When my heart beats too quickly, it gets loud. When my heart breaks or bends or sinks into itself, I do all of the things to escape. I will make myself too busy. I will eat. I will starve. I will sleep. I will stay up all night. Anything to tire my body enough and to be as loud as possible so as not to hear the truth.
That I already know what to do. I am the spell, after all.
What you need:
- Candle(s) — white is lovely, but any color that calls to you is great
- Roses or any flower that makes you feel loved
- A mirror
Find a place where you can be alone. Light a candle and surround yourself with flowers, petals, beauty. Get into a space of being comfortable and grounded and QUIET.
Let everything else in your mind be quiet. If there are thoughts, allow them to rest on the petals of the flowers around you or to sink into the candle flame. Let them go, let them go. Really, let them go. Close your eyes and enter into the present moment, to the place where you are safe, where your heart is safe. Where you can simply show up as you are.
Pull up into yourself, in whatever way makes sense to you, the energy, the power of who you really are. It might be familiar or it may be an energy you need to cultivate by means of imagination. You may need to fake the way you are, as though curling a finger to beckon it to come home. To come back to your body.
Allow yourself to be in this space until all of your body is filled with the magick of who you, uniquely, are.
Once you feel ‘it’ and only you know what ‘it’ is, open your eyes and look into the mirror.
What do you notice? What do you feel? What do you want for this precious creature?
I love you.
I am here for you.
I am enough.
I am your home.
I will not abandon you.
I love you just as you are, just as you always have been.
Tell yourself the things you need to know to hold a broken heart.
Make yourself the spells of healing. Sit in the spells of surrender and possibility. For as long as you like.
Until all the candles go out.
I wish I could tell you that broken hearts can be fixed with this, that, or the other thing.
But they often can’t.
But they can be held.
They can be reminded they are cherished.
They can be reminded of their magick.
The magick of the heart.