Wiliamsburg, PA (Easter Sunday) – Richard Flax, a self-professed devotee of Williamsburg Baptist Fellowship Church, was kind to give us a moment of his time today before departing for his family’s annual Easter brunch.
“I’ve always considered myself Christian,” stated Richard. “Truthfully, its a big part of my life and my family makes sure we go around the big times of the year. But I feel like every time I end up coming to church, Pastor Mark preaches the same message. It’s like every Easter he’s talking about the Jesus defeating death and being raised from the dead or baby Jesus at Christmas. We get it.”
“Richard, may I ask: how often are you in attendance at your church?”
“Like I said, we go for the big days out of the year. So Christmas and Easter – when every Christian needs to be in church. Look, I read my bible and stuff, and God is with me wherever I go. I always find my time with God when I’m out hunting or watching the game with my work buddies; if everything’s an act of worship, I don’t think God’s going to frown on me too much when I get to heaven. I pay my taxes, I’m a law abiding citizen, I love my wife and kids.”
He further replied, “I just kinda feel like Pastor Mark’s tapped his well. Every time I go to church I hear the same thing. Look, I gotta get going. This day’s really about family, after all.”
When asked about Richard Flax, Pastor Mark simply asked, “Who?”
Editorial Note: This post, like all of the other posts in the Satire section of our webpage, are fake and exist for no other purpose than to you make you laugh.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In