HOUSTON, TX – Joel Osteen announced this past Sunday that he is actively working with calendar authorities to add an additional day to the traditional 7-day week. The new day would be called “Funday” and would fall between Saturday and Sunday.
The day would serve as a way for God’s people to “step outside their comfort zone” said Pastor Osteen during the announcement at Lakewood Church. “I’ve long held that Fridays are the happiest day of the week, but as God’s people we are not reaching our potential in calendar management. You deserve a better day than Friday. You deserve an extra day of the week to do yourself good. You can do better!”
Reports say the announcement at Lakewood Church was met with cheering and applause. “This is the best news I’ve heard in a long time! Funday is already my favorite day of the week!” commented one church goer.
As some might expect, the announcement has been met with no small amount of criticism. A group of protesters quickly formed outside of Osteen’s Church, and could be heard chanting “We don’t want your Funday, down with this dumb-day!” into the early hours of the morning.
Some suspect a recent tweet from Pastor Joel Osteen to be a direct response to skeptics of Funday:
Lakewood Church has yet to directly reply to questions about Pastor Osteen’s announcement or logistics about how the proposed 8-day week would affect standard monthly and yearly calendar practices.
Editorial Note: This post, like all of the other posts in the Satire section of our webpage, are fake and exist for no other purpose than to you make you laugh.
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