5 things every married couple needs to know about SEX.

5 things every married couple needs to know about SEX. September 6, 2013

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Sexual intimacy is one of the most powerful gifts God ever created. It was designed to bring a man and woman together in a physical, emotional and spiritual bond that would create, pleasure, intimacy and also procreation. Marriages that neglect or misuse this gift are headed for frustration and most likely, divorce. Most marriages that don’t prioritize what happens in the bedroom will usually end in a courtroom. 

I was reminded of this when some friends of mine were having a marriage crisis and headed for divorce. They had drifted far apart and felt that there was no marriage left. As a last effort, they decided to take a “30-Day Challenge” and committed to making love every day for a month. By the end of the month, their marriage was stronger and their intimacy was reignited. Their marriage had new momentum which has carried them forward. They’re the first to say that “it takes a lot more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it’s nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it!”

The Bible even gives us specific instruction about prioritizing the gift of sex within marriage and warns husbands and wives that it’s dangerous to deny each other this gift:

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

Here are a few things every married couple needs to know about sex:

1. You should probably be having more of it.

A healthy sex life is about more than just frequency, but frequency is an important factor. I’m convinced that many (if not most) arguments in marriage stem directly or indirectly from sexual frustration. When you deny each other, you’re inviting unnecessary frustration and temptation into the marriage.


2. You should ONLY be having it with each other! 

It’s sad that we live in a world where I have to clarify this, but monogamy is the only way a marriage can work. Don’t look outside your marriage to fulfill your sexual needs, and I would argue that this includes porn. Bringing another person into your bed or you mind will eventually destroy the intimacy God intended sex to be enjoyed exclusively between a husband and wife. If pornography is an issue in your life or marriage, please take a minute to read “The Truth about Porn.”

3. Better sex starts with getting better in other areas outside the bedroom.

When communication is better, your sex life will usually improve, so talk, text and flirt with each other throughout the day. When you’re serving each other’s needs in other areas (Guys, this means be willing to do the dishes and help more around the house), your sex life will usually improve. When you show genuine thoughtfulness to one another throughout the day, the night is more likely to end well!

4. Don’t use sex as leverage.

In some marriages, sex (or denying sex) is used as a way to reward or to punish the other spouse. Over time, this dysfunctional practice will cheapen the power of sex, cause resentment and also erode the trust and intimacy in your marriage.

5. Have fun!

Sex is supposed to be fun, so enjoy it! As you do, you’ll find your stress levels decreasing, your laughter increasing, and a more positive outlook on life together. The happiest couples I know seem to be the ones who make a vibrant and frequent sex life a priority in their marriage.

To improve the sex, communication and overall intimacy in your marriage, check out new video series “Best Sex Life Now.” This series is half-priced now through Christmas (no code or coupon needed) when you use the “Send as a Gift” option (by clicking here) even if you’re giving as a gift to yourself! 


For more tips and tools to build a strong marriage, please check out our new book: “Marriage Minute: Quick & Simple Ways to Build a Divorce-Proof Relationship” which is now also available on iTunes for download on iPhones and iPads.


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