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This past weekend I had the privilege of officiating a wedding ceremony for a beautiful couple. They were best friends and had an amazing relationship. They met because of their mutual love for their pets and their even their dogs seemed to love each other! They consistently bring out the best in each other, and I’m confident they’ll have a life filled with love and laughter.
Ah, how I wish every wedding was more like that one! I believe they could be if couples would ask the right questions before walking down the aisle.
Watch this free, 4-minute video on questions to ask before getting married.
I’ve interacted with couples from all over the world and I’m convinced that many (if not most) marriage problems could have been prevented by asking the right questions BEFORE the marriage. If you’re reading this and you’re already married, the content below might not be too helpful, but if you’re reading this as a single or engaged person, this might be one of the most important things you’ll ever read! Seriously.
The decision to marry someone is one of the most significant decisions you’ll make in your life. The choice of your spouse will have ramifications (positive or negative) for your entire life and for generations to come. Instead of basing this life-altering decision entirely on your “feelings,” please put the decision through the filter of these simple questions below. This exercise will help you determine if you’re marrying the right person for the right reasons or if you need to reevaluate the relationship.
(In no particular order)
1. Can I be myself around this person?
If you feel pressure to be someone else around your fiancee, that’s a HUGE warning sign. A great spouse will bring out the best in you, but never try to change who you are.
2. Does this person strengthen my faith and character?
Your husband or wife will have a tremendous influence on you for your entire lifetime. He/She should be someone who encourages and strengthens your faith and your character and NEVER tempts or pressures you to compromise your values.
3. Do the people who love me most think we’re a good match?
Listen to those who love you. If your parents, siblings and/or close friends aren’t thrilled with the match, there’s a very high likelihood it’s because it’s a bad match! Those people want what’s best for you, so ask their honest opinion.
4. Do I want my kids to grow up to be like this person?
Would you be proud to have sons or daughters grow up to be like your fiancee? If not, then breakup! Your future kids won’t just look like this person, they’ll probably BE like this person.
5. Do I laugh a lot around this person?
A healthy relationship should have a lot more comedy than “drama”! Laughter is an important gauge which can measure the health of a relationship. If you don’t laugh much around each other, ask yourself the reasons why.
6. Are we both headed in the same direction?
It’s okay to have some different interests, but ultimately, it’s vital that a couple be unified in their hopes, dreams and overall direction for their lives and future. Otherwise, you’re setting yourselves up for some HUGE frustrations later in life.
7. Can I stay committed to this person no matter what?
When you look this person in the eye and before God and witnesses, say, “Til death do us part,” you’re going to have to mean it! If you’re entering into the marriage with any form of an exit strategy, you’re better off not getting married.
If you have negative responses to ANY of these questions, I encourage you to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. The decision to marry someone is far too important a choice to make lightly!
For additional tools to help you build a rock-solid marriage, check out our FREE video series on The 4 Pillars of a Strong Marriage and our bestselling book, “iVow: Secrets to a Stronger Marriage” which is available on Amazon.com as a Paperback, Kindle ebook and an audiobook.
iVow is also available on iTunes for download on iPhones, iPads and all Apple devices.
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Check out this new, online course on sex, intimacy and communication in marriage.
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