8 surprising teachings about marriage in the Bible.

8 surprising teachings about marriage in the Bible. January 29, 2015

wedding rings

As the founder of the Facebook “Marriage” Page, I’ve had thousands of interactions with people from all over the world who want to improve their marriages. I share principles which many people have credited with saving their marriages, but I can’t take credit for inventing these principles, I’ve taken them all straight from the Bible. (Sorry to disappoint you if you thought I was making all this stuff up myself!)

People are often surprised to learn what the Bible actually teaches about marriage.

I’m a Christian and  I believe in the Bible’s truths have practical application to every part of life, but even if you don’t share my faith, I believe these timeless principles from the Bible can revolutionize your marriage. I challenge you to to give them a try!

In no particular order:

1. Sex should be a priority.

Since God invented sex (Thanks, God), He has a lot to say about how it should be used and enjoyed. It’s meant to be used often in marriage with both spouses submitting to each other’s needs and desires.

“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

For more on how to have a great sex life in marriage, check out our new video series, “Best Sex Life Now.”

BestSexLifeNow

2. Monogamy is both physical AND mental.

We tend to believe as long as we don’t commit a sex act with someone outside the marriage, then we’re being “monogamous,” but God’s standard for monogamy includes not only what happens in the bedroom, but what happens in the mind. This includes pornography, graphic romance novels, “checking out” other people, etc. It’s a high standard, but it’s because marriage is a high priority.

“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.Matthew 5:27-28

For more on this, check out my popular post on “The truth about porn” which includes some helpful tools and some mind-blowing statistics.

3. Love is an unconditional commitment, not a fickle feeling.

Couples who talk about “falling out of love” don’t really have a grasp of what love actually means. Love, by its very nature, isn’t a fairy tale feeling, but a commitment. Love isn’t a story with a happy ending; love is a story with no ending.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:7

For more on this, check out my new book The Seven Laws of Love: Essential Principles for Building Stronger Relationships

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4. Every wife needs love and every husband needs respect.

One of the toughest parts of marriage is giving love when your spouse is acting unlovable or giving respect when they’re acting disrespectful, but it’s so important to do it. God gives us His best when we’re at our worst, and He calls us to do that for each other in marriage. People usually need love most when they “deserve” love least.

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

For more on love and respect, check out the book “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs and watch our FREE video series on The 4 Pillars of a Strong Marriage.

5. God hates divorce.

God is full of love, and the Bible doesn’t give many examples of things God “hates,” but divorce is on the list. Because God has so much love for marriage, his heart breaks over the pain of divorce (and our hearts should break too).

“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” Malachi 2:16

If you are in a second marriage, please don’t read this and feel judged or shamed. When I read everything the Bible has to say about grace, and the examples of all the great leaders in the Bible who fell far short of God’s standard, I’m comforted in knowing God gives second chances and new beginnings. You can’t change the past, but you can start now and build a new future with each other.

6. Your spouse’s needs have to come before your own.

In our selfish human nature, we tend to look at every relationship (including marriage) as a way to get our own needs met, but marriage means laying down your own rights for the sake of another. This requires mutual submission and serving your spouse even when they’re not reciprocating. This is modeled by how Jesus served us and even died for us when we were undeserving.

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her” Ephesians 5:21-25

7. A husband and wife are united in everything.

There can’t be “his” and “hers” when it comes to money, hopes, dreams or struggles. Marriage means sharing everything. It means keeping no secrets from each other. This means your disagreements won’t have a “winner” and a “loser” because you’ll either win together or lose together every time. It means remembering that you should never let your spouse walk alone, because you’re unified in everything.

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Genesis 2:24

8. A marriage takes three.

I’m not talking about polygamy here (although some in the Bible practiced it and caused a lot of family drama as a result). The third member of a marriage is God Himself. He created marriage not just to be a man and a woman, but rather, a man and a woman in a growing relationship with each other and with God. The more you love God, the more capacity you will have to love each other.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

For more marriage-building tools, check out my new book The Seven Laws of Love: Essential Principles for Building Stronger Relationships which is now also available as an ebook download on iTunes for iPhones and iPads.

7 laws of love book #7LawsOfLove

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • John Doe

    Thank you for this post. I wholeheartedly agree with each point. I have a question about #5. What if you spouse cheated on you, then divorced you? I have tried reconciling with my wife, but she will have nothing to do with me. She walked away from the Lord, from me and our 4 kids, and from our church.

  • Shane Comeaux

    If it is adultery to remarry after divorce, how can someone stay in a second marriage? Aren’t they staying in their sin and continuing in that adultery? God’s grace does forgive, but does it allow to continue in the sin? If so then can we continue in sins like pornography, homosexuality, etc b/c God’s grace is sufficient? If it is adultery once it continues to be adultery. And if someone is supposed to stay single or reconcile, the other person’s actions don’t change that.
    I know this is a very controversial topic and would cause major backlash if a pastor would take this stand due to the rampant levels of divorce in the country, including the church, but I don’t see how on one hand it can be adultery but then all of a sudden it stops being adultery and becomes ok.

  • Shane Comeaux

    If we are to follow what that verse teaches, then staying single and continuing to pray for reconciliation is the only option as hard as that will be.

  • Ricardo Gonzales

    Jesus did give provision for such cases. In fact he said that if any man divorced his wife for any cause other than adultery and married another, he was guilty of adultery (Matthew 19:9). Also Paul taught that if someone has an unbelieving spouse who walks out of the marriage, the believing partner is free from that union. So you are under no compulsion to reconcile with your wife. However, if you believe this your God given spouse, then let go and let God bring her back. (Seek God make sure that it is his will though).

  • Four foot one

    What a disgusting article.

  • chynna

    There is nothing that said she walked away form god or the kids. She simply cheated. Your roll is to forgive. Not to pass judgement.

  • Shane Comeaux

    You are confusing old testament law which we are no longer under with new testament. We are not required to follow the OT law as Christ fulfilled that requirement, but the verse he references about not remarrying is a new testament revision of old testament, so it is valid and by my understanding still applies but isn’t followed.

  • Shane Comeaux

    I agree that if that verse means what I think it means then either it is being misinterpreted by the masses or being ignored b/c following it would create major backlash and as you said seriously reduce revenue.

  • Ricardo Gonzales

    I’m just relating it as it’s stated in the Bible. To begin with why would you as a Christian get married to someone who God might already shown was wrong for you in the first place? Even if you were not saved when you got married, you may have seen the signs that you should have stayed away from that person anyhow. To answer your question: if someone finds themselves in the scenarios as you described, I don’t see that God would have stay in such a toxic relationship. He would have you take some time apart from your partner. If it is that his will is for you to get out of the marriage, he is the one who would make a way for you. You don’t try to get out on your own. And no it’s not a case of genitals. Such a slant reflects a deliberately superficial view of marriage and divorce on your part. Take a good read on what the Bible says about adultery, and then you will see why Christ made such a provision for divorce.

  • diana

    Actually divorce is permitted for ‘pornea'(which means sexual immorality). For the innocent party remarriage is not adultery.

  • diana

    Divorce is permitted for certain reasons such as sexual immorality and abandonment,

  • diana

    Thats not the case, adultery destroys the marriage covenant,, forgiveness doesnt have to mean reconciliation. If John says she left the children and God then she did.She divorced him, he is not responsible, and now should move on.

  • diana

    Its not just adutlery, the words used is ‘pornea’ which means different types of sexual immorality, as well as abandonment. and abuse.

  • diana

    IT depends on why the marriage ended. If there was sexual immorality of different types, abandonment or similar then a divorce is permitted. Once the divorce has happened, you are no longer married but single.

  • diana

    Good dad I hardly know any Christians who are divorced. I am divorced myself, as is my husband(for biblical reasons) but I can only think or of 2 or 3 others who are also divorced, and that is out of hundreds of believers I have met.

  • Shane Comeaux

    where does it say divorce and remarriage is allowed for abandonment or anything other than adultery?
    The only NT verse that mentions divorce gives adultery as the only reason divorce is allowed. Then when you research the original language and customs of the time, the adultery referred to in that verse is during the engagement period, which was a legal binding arrangement back then and the ending of that arrangement is translated as divorce causing confusion with how the word is used now but not after full marriage.
    There are several scenarios allowed to no longer stay with your spouse, abuse; abandonment; unbeliever not wanting to stay with a believer to name a few, but leaving and remarrying are two different things as the verse reference in #5 seems to clearly state.
    This is very hard to swallow for lots of people and I understand why but I have presented it to multiple pastors and others and no one has yet to be able to dispute it with scripture ultimately saying well that is not what God would want for them to stay single, but scripture says otherwise from what I read.

  • Shane Comeaux

    If we are to follow what that verse teaches, then staying single and continuing to pray for reconciliation is the only option as hard as that will be.

  • diana

    The BIble says that if we are abandoned we are not bound to that spouse.The word used by Jesus isnt adultery but pornea which is used in the Bible to describe many different types of sexual immorality including incest and gay sex as well as adultery and others sexual sins. /

  • Shane Comeaux

    Where does it say abandonment is grounds for divorce and remarriage?
    All types of sexual immorality outside of marriage based on the word usage. It would have been a different word had it meant within a marriage.

  • diana

    1 Corinthians 7:15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

  • diana

    pornea is a word used for many different types of sexual immorality by another whether married or not married.

  • Shane Comeaux

    Let him leave and leave in peace is a far cry from divorce and remarry. Sorry but that’s stretching further than interpretation allows.

    Yes the word alone does, but not in the context it is used in the full verse.

  • Shane Comeaux

    The statistics are not on your side…read any study and the divorce rate in the church is just as high as out of it which is very sad.

  • diana

    I dont usually trust statistics because many will class themselves as Christian just because they were baptised as babies, or because of their family or culture or birth etc etc. Among born again believers its far more unusual.

  • diana

    if you are no longer bound then they are free. You cant be both bound and free.

  • diana

    Of course many spouses are divorced against their will, which is abandonment, and they are them freed from that marriage. and free to marry again if God directs them to.

  • diana

    I know lots of people who are divorced, but hardly any are believers.

  • Ricardo Gonzales

    That’s why there is God to talk to us and to guide concerning the decisions we make. There many times God reveals to us what is his will (or not), but we still choose to go our own way. As for the whole cultural context thing: God’s morals have never changed to suit culture. It is man who, because he has departed from what the Bible teaches, has altered his moral stance. You missed my point about trying to get out of a marriage on your own, and I’m not going to waste my time trying to explain it to you. God demanded sexual purity before marriage then, and he still desires today. That has nothing to do with “cultural context”. There were abusive partners then, and we still have them today, the same applies to husbands who are drunks who wasted their money leaving their families starving. The fact is that Jesus only allowed divorce on the grounds of immoral sexual conduct. If there are problems in a marriage, we have a God to whom we can turn to bring a change to the situation. The tragedy is that we have forgotten that and are ever so ready to run to the divorce court. I leave you with this: God warned the children of Israel against idolatry. That didn’t stop them worshiping Baal, did it?

  • Shane Comeaux

    https://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/15-familykids/42-new-marriage-and-divorce-statistics-released#.VM7Kek1OW70
    Broken down by self identified born again and all other categories and yes thankfully born again is the lowest but not by much and still way too high.

  • Shane Comeaux

    Sorry but we’ll have t agree to disagree on your definition of no longer bound…yes you don’t have to stay but I don’t agree it means you can remarry.

  • diana

    OK I am British not American. Divorces here between 2 believers are very unusual. I would estimate from those I know and have known over the last 40 years about 5%.

  • diana

    If God recognises a divorce as ending a marriage, and He also recognises second marriages(see the story of the women at the well) then thats good enough for me.

  • diana

    Most of us believe that because we have made promises for life, we should actually keep those promises and work on things and not give up when things get hard. Most Christian marriages are I know are good and respectful.

  • diana

    marriage should be for life unless there is sexual immorality or serious abuse. Love isnt a feeling, its a decision. We may ‘feel’ we dont love our spouse any more but why is that reason to end a marriage? Of course you know people who made that promise and are now divorced. Maybe one cheated or one was abused or walked out on the other. However with God marriage has three cords and not two and is more likely to stay strong. I too am in a very good marriage, and there is no way that I would divorce him ever. We are both previously divorced after long first marriages, (no fault of ourown)but we both believe that marriage is for life as long as its down to us. .

  • diana

    No its not a foolish promise, its a good one that we as Christians should make. I have seen so many non Christian marriages end for stupid reasons, and so many suffer because if it.

  • diana

    I dont actually know any Christians in miserable marriages, most I know have good marriages like you.

  • diana

    There are so many different types of love, and many of those we feel for our spouse, as in lovers, companions friends etc etc Often when we dont ‘feel’ love we can act as if we do and the feelings with return but if we always live by our feelings we will soon get into trouble. Sometimes faithfulness, responsibility,and doing what is right must come first before our own selfish feelings. I do know many couples who have been through bad patches, but with determination and effort and prayer, have come through with better and stronger marriages as a result.

  • diana

    Thats why its so vital to marry the right person in the first place. MY husband has never smoked a cigarrette, and doesnt drink, so he is hardly likely to take illegal drugs, he also hasnt got an abusive bone is his body, so again, no abuse. However, no I wouldnt ever divorce him no matter what.

  • diana

    I have never heard anyone say that love after marriage is irrelevant, but its not the be all and end all.Love is so much more than that ‘romantic hollywood’ feeling, its strong and powerful and responsible. It for better and for worse, in sickness and health, for richer and for poorer.
    I dont know any women who are as you describe.I didnt marry for money and dont know any who did, most work very hard. .

  • diana

    so if your wife could no longer have sex you would leave her? if she was no longer able to love, you would leave her? how sad.

  • diana

    i dont know any wives who behave like that, and actually i have heard from wives whose husband arent interested in sex so it goes both ways.

  • Peter

    Very good article. Thought you could have hit the divine ordinances demanding wifely submission a bit harder; but still very good.

  • diana

    I am regularly on a marriage forum which is run by christians, and we get many women there whose husbands deny them sex. We get a few men who say the same but very few, their issues are usually different ones. The marriages that I know are very good, and I know and have known quite a few couples very well over the years. I dont usually trust statistics as we can get them to say what we like and many will call themselves christian just because they arent any other religion,and have maybe been baptised as babies and go to church at Christmas. but really arent Christians . Marriage is vital for a couple and I would encourage it totally and would never try and tell any couples not to marry if they were living together. Men are far healthier and happier when married, mnay many reports show that, and they live longer.Its a great thing and I am 100% for it. .

  • diana

    PLus the fact that sex is a part of marriage and men I know marry for far more than just sex.

  • diana

    Also most of the marriages i know, the wives work full time as well as the husband, often earning as much if not more than them. Its a must in the uk with homes being so terribly expensive here. Your ideas of a modern marriage are way out of date.,

  • diana

    couples who live together are far far more likely to break up and have multiple partners. Yes there are both men and women who are deprived of sex just as there are men and women who cheat on their partners. I know countless good marriages that have lasted 30,40 and 50 years and more. Those who merely live together often give up far too easily and dont have that commitment that is needed. .I wouldnt end my marriage even if my husband stopped wanting sex. or if he had an accident that meant he couldnt have sex. Marriage is far more than just sex to me.

  • diana

    where have you been? Its very very rare for wives not to work, at least in the UK, they cant afford to live on one wage. many earn more than their husbands.
    . I didnt say sex wasnt important, I said that it wasnt everything, and that if my husband wasnt able to have sex for whatever reason, there is no way I would leave him. nor he me.

  • diana

    yes I can speak for him because he would never break his promises or vows made, he isnt that sort of man. When we marry all that we had before becomes ours. When we married I had a house and he didnt. Now that house is his as well as mine, and If I die first he will live here for as long as he needs to. I dont believe in yours and mine, because when we married we became one and we share everything Whatever money that comes in is ours no matter where it comes from, and we have a joint account and pay the bills out of that. It works well.
    As I said before, I know so many excellent marriages, and whatever you think of marriage, I love it, my husband loves it and most the people I know do too. For christians there is no alternative anyway because living together isnt an option nor would we want to live together. In most the divorces I know of, there was more or less a 50/50 split of assets with both having some custody of the children.

  • diana

    I can say that I would never divorce my husband and so can he. His ex wife ended their marriage, against his wishes and I ended my marriage to protect my children. All was split 50/50, that was my decision. My soliicitor thought I should have got more, but I was far too busy trying to be a single mum of three,and didnt have the money to fight .
    I would never marry again this time, so I would have no reason to divorce.Neither of us believe in prenups and we have an joint account. All that we have belongs to both of us. When we married we became one, and there is no yours or ours now.
    Few couples can manage financially on one wage here, so its not an issue, even though many mums would love to have some time off to look after their children they rarely can afford to . .

  • John Doe

    Hi Chynna. We’ve been married for 23+ years. My wife and I got married when I was 22 and she was 25. We were a team – and led a home group in our church for 11 years. When our first child was 4, and our 2nd was 2, my wife came to me and said “I feel called to homeschool our kids. I want to do that.” She had worked very, very little since child #1, and even though I didn’t make much $, I said okay and fully supported that decision. She homeschooled, and I worked, and helped out when I could. I traveled some for my job, but not much. I was gone maybe 2 nights a month. My wife loved God with her whole heart. In addition to co-leading a home group, she also taught Sunday School, mentored a number of young girls in our church (including our pastor’s daughter), taught at the homeschool co-op we belonged to, helped out in MOPS leadership, and had a very large group of women Christian friends. I would tell anyone, and still will, what a GREAT mom my wife used to be. I spoke very highly about her to my work colleagues, and everyone I interacted with. I started traveling a bit more, but we always made time for each other, with a regular “date night” once every 2 weeks. My wife felt very strongly about it, as did I. Fast forward a few years – my wife had started dancing. Social dancing, waltz, salsa, east coast and west coast swing, contra, etc. She would go to some weekend away camps with her dance friends. I took up west coast swing, to have a shared activity with her. We had a lot of fun together. Slowly, over time, my wife stopped going to church regularly. She would go dance instead. She stopped interacting and being accountable to Christian women. She hung out a lot with “her dancing friends”, many of whom were divorced and/or single. A close female friend filed for divorce from her husband. I was unaware of this, even though I interacted with a number of these friends, including this woman. Just over 1 year after this close friend’s divorce was final, and my wife had seen her friend “be single” for a year – she decided she didn’t want to be married anymore. By this time, it had been over a year since my wife had been to church with me and the kids. Marriage counseling hadn’t worked either (waste of money). My wife told me she wanted a divorce. I asked her why. Her list of reasons did not include anything remotely close to what the Bible would say were valid reasons for a divorce. In fact, she had met with a pastor of ours, and told him many lies about me, trying to get his “blessing” to divorce me. This pastor knew me and that what she was saying was false. There is a lot more I could say, but in summary, I found out about a week after she told me she wanted a divorce that she was cheating. She had started a couple months before with one of her male dance friends. I also found out she had already moved on from him to a different male dance friend. I heard her say this: “I’m not going to be some crazy Christian who goes to church every Sunday, but if this relationship with “X” does become a long-term thing, then I want to be with someone who is at least “semi-Christian”. I lovingly confronted her about this and everything else I had found out in our pastor’s office, offering to work with her on our marriage if she stopped immediately, agreed to get help, etc. She was incredulous that I found out. She turned to me after I had run through the list of what I had heard her say. She had described in detail what she had done with Partner 1, and what she had planned with Partner 2. “Yes, you’re right – I did do all things. And you know what? I’m not sorry.” Needless to say, from that day forward, she has been a horrible mom. She gives about 10% of what she used to, and I end up with our 2 minor kids much more than 50% of the time now, since she is always gone. Our kids are heartbroken, especially our adult children. So yes. My role is to forgive. Which I am working very hard on. I’m about 80% there, I would say. That has taken 10 months of hard work on my part. And I assure you she doesn’t give a rip about what God says. She is with her boyfriend all the time now, despite the fact that we are still not divorced. She was with on *our* wedding anniversary – less than 5 days after I moved out. She has totally walked away from God, and our kids. Very sad – I still pray for her every day.

  • John Doe

    Thanks for your support Diana.

  • diana

    Thats ok:-) My husbands wife did the same thing, met another man and divorced him. he forgave long ago, but she made it clear that there would be no reconciliation. We have a good marriage of 10 yeas this year,and follow God together. I see no where in the Bible that says anyone must stay with a spouse who commits adultery, even if they WERE willing to come back. .

  • diana

    The bIble says that neither spouse should refuse sex, and I have heard a lot of teaching that says how important sex is in marriage. .

  • diana

    AS I said before though, on the marriage forum I go on, we get many women whose husbands refuse sex. They are either addicted to porn and therefore cant have normal sex, or they arent interested for all sorts of other reasons. Its more common than you think.
    .

  • diana

    Porn is evil and kills many marriages, and men will cheat and look at porn even if they are having regular sex.
    No I dont go round prying into other peoples sex lives, but I am going by the large forum that I am a mod on, and the marriage forum that I go to regularly, and I can tell you that we get as many women coming with the lack of sex from their husbands/partners, and also we get many women whose marriages are destroyed by their husbands porn addictions.

  • diana

    Porn is cheating, and people who are addicted to porn will look regardless of their sex life. Its also something that deeply damages the one looking, they need to look at worse and worse things as time goes on, and it destroys marriages and peoples lives. You have a skewed and bitter attitude towards women, and thats sad. I have been deeply hurt by men, but I dont assume they are all the same.

  • diana

    I am sure that I have far more women friends than you, and you are wrong. Most are not as you say, maybe if you stopped prying into other men’s private lives, and accepted that there are 2 sides to every story, then you would think differently. Neither of us would ever discuss our private sex lives with other people, its private and personal. I would never complain about my husband to other people, ever, how disrespecful.
    If one had a greater sex drive than the other they should compromise. If one wants sex every day and the other every 2 weeks then how about twice a week? It shouldnt be all one way or all the other.

  • diana

    I have a 0% tolerance for an affair and a 0% tolerance of porn, as does my husband. We would never ever treat each other in such a terrible way. As I said before I am a regular contributor to a marriage forum and a mod on another v large forum which has a marriage section, and we have just as many women coming with that issue as men. One woman has never had sex with her husband for 30 years, but she stays because she loves him, and in most other ways he is a good man.
    Sex is important but its not totally everything. A good compromise is the way forward, and most men would be happy with sex twice a week anyway.
    Most men i know who are married are very happy, and they have lovely wives. married men live longer and are healthier than those who arent, that says a lot..
    Maybe if those men who are so discontent made more effort to love and cherish their wives and speak well of then instead of moaning and complaining about their seeming lack of sex, they would find things improving. We can build up or tear down our marriage with our words and attitudes.

  • diana

    You are making the VERY wrong assumption that all men want sex every day, just because you do, and you are very wrong. Men differ greatly, just as women do in their sex drive, just as we differ on everything else.
    My husband and I are very in tune, neither EVER rejects or refuses the other. You have no idea what we do or dont do, you just make wrong assumptions about other people. I have no fears when it comes to my husband, we are soul mates and our marriage isnt like that, we communicate about everything. Even if we could never have sex again due to illness or injury, neither would ever cheat on or abandon the other because marriage for us is worth far more than that. We were created to have monogamous relationships, and believe it or not we are all capable of self control and integrity which stops us from thinking its ok to cheat lie and deceive the person we have promised to be faithful to and love.

  • Mike d

    I think your both right. It comes down to an individual and case by case basis. If a woman’s heart is in a state of manipulating sex to control her husband it’s wrong. And if a husband is disregarding his vow to his his wife and looking at porn or finding sex elsewhere because he doesn’t get laid enough for his liking he is wrong. And I think adultery of the mind is clearly covered biblicly.
    If your daughter was getting railed by two guys at once and had 200,000 viewers you would have a different outlook on porn. It’s horrible and an escape for men who won’t stand up and tell their wife’s their sex life is lacking. The attitude of “you say no to me, fine I’ll look at porn!” Is a childish quitters attitude and has no room in a healthy marriage.

  • diana

    i agree Mike its all about treating each other with love and respect not being demanding or treating the other like a slab of meat to used as and when they want to. That where compromise comes in. Threatening to look at porn or cheat if the wife wont have sex all the time, is just as controlling, wrong and immature as a wife who uses sex as a means of control.

  • Teresa Johnson

    I need some help with this. I tried with all of my effort and will to do all this, but my ex husband, who was an elder at our church, just couldn’t or wouldn’t try. We were together over 17 years. He was addicted to porn for 14 years before we met. He wouldn’t do anything to change. I made myself available to him but he never wanted me. We are divorced now. Almost two years. I moved out but did not want to divorce. I wanted counseling and reconciliation. He pushed the divorce through. I’m still struggling bc I believe that God ordained our marriage. I keep waiting for him to come back to me but from what I’ve heard he’s engaged. This is not the life we were destined for.

  • Marylou

    I think I will stay single and serve God… If God brings me a husband… it will have to be a spirit thing.. or nothing… I was married… but never to a Christian…

  • diana

    You can serve God whether single or married, but sometimes God does expect us to be a little proactive about meeting someone. but never be unequally yoked, that is a disaster.

  • Mob mentality

    If your wife’s not giving it up, ask yourself, what am I doing to make her want it? You might be walking around ready to go but put in a little effort to get her warmed up! There’s your problem!

  • Mob mentality

    he has a kink he could never tell you about because of shame. It is probably something minor but he couldn’t deal with it or ask you to do it because of his own issues. Contact him and ask for an honest discussion about why. Until you find out what the problem was (from him) you won’t be able to move on. He probably wanted to wear women’s panties or something and was too ashamed to tell you about it!

  • Instead of spending mental time wishing, hoping and praying he’ll come back, use your time more wisely. The odds are he simply won’t change and even if he did come back there is little chance you’ll have a happy or even content marriage. Instead start focusing on making yourself a person you can love with or without you ex or even anyone really. This way if he does come back to you or if he doesn’t you will have peace inside of yourself regardless of the outcome.
    Also we do so many things in our life that isn’t necessarily “ordained by God.” I’m not talking about sins, just life. But so many people really want everything they do to have God’s stamp of approval. Just because it’s what one wants doesn’t make it so. If it really is destiny from God, then God can work it out.
    Meanwhile, see what you need personally on your own. Also, if you aren’t already, find ways to help those in need, volunteer and such. Give your life a sense of purpose with or without a husband.
    Hugs!

  • diana

    I have been married to 2 different men for a total of 35 years, so yes I do have some idea. I also have 2 brothers and three adult sons, 2 of whom are happily married. I have a very good idea about mens sex drive, and believe me few want sex every day. All men are different, just as all women are.

  • diana

    I dont agree that 90% of men are discontent in their marriages.Married men are known to be happier and healthier than their single counterparts.IF my husband didnt want sex or couldnt have sex I would not end the marriage because he means far more to me than just sex, I would not be with a man who wasnt faithful and who looked at porn. I am only interested on men who have integrity and high moral values.

  • diana

    I wouldnt have married a man who didnt want children. Integrity and high moral values isnt do to with sex in marriage, its to do with faithfulness and respect and keeping sex in marriage only. You have no idea how much I am interested in sex compared to my husband, and by the way he wouldnt leave me either. We dont believe in breaking our vows, and we believe in ‘for better or for worse’.

  • Ucuniano

    Why are such teachings “surprising”? I find it rather surprising that the author consider those basic tenets surprising

  • diana

    I wouldnt marry a liar.

  • diana

    so if your wife had an illness or accident that meant she couldnt have sex, you would leave her?

  • diana

    When I met my husband I knew within less than a week that he was a man of integrity, honesty, decency with high moral values. We never lived together, but his character was clear. God confirmed this to me, and I never doubted that I would marry him. 9 months later we got married.
    There are some bad women and some bad men, thats life, however if the couple actually wait till marriage for sex they are on the right path because it shows they are obeying God. few men especially do this today, so if you find a man who does, you are half way there.

  • diana

    living together or having sex isnt an option for Christians. I did know in less than a a week that he was a genuine and godly guy, and after 10 years of marriage I have been prooved right .

  • diana

    Sorry but I KNEW that he was to be my husband within a few days and I KNEW he was Gods choice for me.Cant explain it but I did. AS I sad for Christians who want to do the right thing. sex before marriage is a no no, and actually, marriages where the couple did NOT live together before they married, are far less likely to end in divorce than those where they did. I am not sure where you get this ‘financial obligation’ thing from, nearly all couples I know both work, and often the women earn more than the men.

  • Chokwadi

    Just a reminder. Submission doesn’t mean slavery. Don’t expect a ” yes sir” for everything you say nomatter how wrong or misplaced. There has to be a balance somewhere.

  • diana

    The NT tells us what marriage should be, all about love and respect, leaving parents and cleaving to your spouse, faithfulness and putting them before all others, staying for better and for worse. As I have already said, living together isnt an option for us as Christians. Marriage is also about compromise, not demanding what WE can get but thinking what we can GIVE, unselfishness, patience, caring and putting the other first.A man who treats his wife with love and respect is far more likely to have a good sex life. A man who is demanding wont.
    Nearly all the young couples I know both work here in the UK. Thats certainly the case with all the young couples in my family. Even though they have children they both still work and are happy to do so. The women have careers as do the men.
    Your idea of women is skewed, I dont know any women as you describe.
    I have no regrets about marrying my first husband, although I was only 19 when we married and I wasnt following Jesus then, so really didnt have a clue. We were married for 25 years and I have three amazing adult children.

  • diana

    YOu can get to know a person very well without living in the same home. In fact because you arent having sex you can get to know them properly and not be concentrating on the physical part.
    I strongly believe that one parent should be at home with the children if at all possible rather that to leave them with strangers all day. The job of the one at home is just as hard as the one who works outside the home, and getting married means that all that belongs to one belongs to both anyway. Its no longer yours and mine but ours. Other wise why bother getting married.
    I was far far more aware the second time round, as well as being 30 years older I was a strong Christian by then and aware of Gods leading and guidance.I knew in less than a week that we would marry, and I never doubted that for a second. Didnt you know that those who live together before marriage, are far more likely to end up divorcing than those who dont? Which sort of disproves your theory.

  • diana

    AS I have said before living together isnt an option for those who are following God. Yes it was because of my immaturity(I was engaged at 18 and married at 19), and also because I wasnt listening to God then and married a non believer. Having said that, the reason our marriage ended after 25 years was not actually due to any issues between ourselves, it was something else entirely.
    With my second husband,I would not have considered a non believer, I knew the sort of man he was in a very short time. He is the most moral, good godly man I have ever met.

  • diana

    Its not an option for believers to live together first sorry. Actually marriages of born again Christians who are regular churchgoers is far far less than for the rest of the population. I know countless Christian couples, and hardly any are divorced. I know loads of non Christian couples who are divorced. No I did know he was a good man, it shone out of him and I have been proved right.

  • John Doe

    Yes she did. Stopped going to church over a year ago. Lied to our pastor’s face, about a few things, including her sexual activity and desire for reconciliation. Spends as little time as possible with our kids, including when she has them. And routinely asks me to take them for extra days.

  • diana

    statistics dont show that marriages between born again church gong Christians are higher, they show the opposite. I would say that about 95% of all the countless Christian couples I know are still married after long periods of time.
    As I have said many times, sex outside and before marriage is a sin, and not an option for Christians. As I also said, my first marriage ending wasnt to do with the actual relationship between me and my ex husband, it was something else, and having got engaged a married as a teenager, I wasnt wise and married a non believer. No I wasnt lucky the second time, I was older and wiser and led by God to the right man. You may advise men not to marry but I know so many happy men in happy marriages, including my husband and 2 of my sons.

  • 2beagles

    You really believe women just play games? I’m sorry, but you couldn’t be further from the truth. Because a women usually needs to feel an emotional connection with her husband to have sex, she won’t want to have sex when she is fighting with her husband. A man usually thinks of sex as mostly physical, so that’s why he may get upset if the wife doesn’t want sex. It has nothing to do with the bank account.

  • diana

    I wasnt a Christian the flrst time and I was only a teenager.

    The second time I was 30 years older, a lot wiser and had been a strong believer for many years., I wouldnt have considered a man who wasnt also a very strong committed Christian. God confirmed to me with a week that this was the man for me, and he was everything I had asked God for.

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  • diana

    There was never any doubt in my mind that he was Gods choice for me and this has been proved right. What God confirmed to me after a week has happened. Our marriage is amazing, we are soul mates, and whatever happens I will never divorce him.I would never marry again anyway so there would be no point. Neither of us believes in living together before marriage, and no, there have been no awful unknown surprises at all in 10 years of marriage. We both believe in complete honesty and truthfulness and would never hide anything. We work through anything that comes our way, and have over come many outside situations that have happened.

  • diana

    I may have known he was for me, but we didnt get engaged for 6 months or married for 9 months, so its not like we rushed to marry after a few weeks. My husband is one of those very easy going, easy to please, patient. laid back, open and honest type guys. I felt I had know him all my life after a mere few days, it was one of those amazing things.

  • diana

    Thank you, but my kids are well into adultlhood and beginning to have children of their own now!

  • Julia Baldwin

    When marriage is a commitment between 2 people why is it so important for it to be on a piece of paper? If you 2 have a commitment with eachother and god I don’t see why not having a marriage paper is so bad and why do people have to judge so much when u choose to just have a commitment than it saying it on paper? The paper doesn’t make a marriage the commitment does.

  • Jay Baldwin

    Let me share with you a bit of my own experience, if you’ll permit me.

    I once held your position. I even debated with God in my heart… “God, it’s just a piece of paper!”

    Days later, I was in a difficult circumstance. I began quoting scripture I had memorized. The Spirit of the Lord moved on my heart, and I felt God say “Why are you saying that?”

    I said “Lord, it’s your Word!”

    He said “Where did you get them?”

    I said “The Scriptures!”

    He said “Oh, just those pieces of paper?”

    In that moment, I felt His love, and acceptance, but I knew I had made a crucial flaw. Echoing in my mind, I heard two things: my words, talking about marriage, and the words of Jesus saying “My words are spirit and they are life.”

    Later I considered the facts. God felt so strongly about covenants and having them recorded (and ratified with blood!) that He did this Himself. He had His covenant with Abraham recorded and ratified it with the blood of circumcision. He had His covenant with Moses and the children of Israel recorded and ratified it with the blood of a Passover lamb. He had the New Covenant – between Himself and man – recorded, and ratified it with His own blood… the blood of Jesus, the Lamb of God. These words are recorded today on pieces of paper. We call them the Scriptures… the Holy Bible. He called these words “Spirit and Life.”

    Marriage is another covenant. Ideally, it is ratified by blood as well. It is an extension… a direction… that God Himself provided. Perhaps you are correct… perhaps a marriage certificate is nothing but a piece of paper… no more or no less than the Bible is a piece of paper. That doesn’t mean it also can’t be Spirit and Life.

    After all, didn’t Paul say marriage was to echo God’s commitment to man — to portray Christ and the church? He wrote His commitment – His covenant – down on pieces of paper… then ratified it with His blood. Perhaps marriage should follow suit.

    I felt corrected by God. This completely changed my thinking. Perhaps I cannot persuade you, but I hope at least to give you food for thought.

  • Leah Johnson

    I just want to say that number 5, about divorce, is described in the wrong way completely. I was really enjoying reading this until I came across that one. Divorce is SCRIPTURAL IF the other spouse (not necessarily the husband, as described in number five!!!!) has been untrue (committed adultery) then it is OKAY to get a divorce!!!! Divorce is not the husband “overwhelming the wife with cruelty” Bc the WiFE sometime is the one who commits adultery on her husband causing HIM Cruelty!!! Women are not victims all the time. Women aren’t always the ones who get hurt by divorce. And I believe strongly that if the other spouse commits adultery then by all means GET A DIVORCE if you don’t think you can love that person anymore. When it comes down to that reasoning, it’s perfectly SCRIPTURAL and OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Brandon Steenbock

    I think the purpose of the passage he quoted was to demonstrate God’s hatred for divorce, not to give a one-size-fits-all treatment to Scriptural divorces. And since the “description” as you called it is a quoted Bible passage, I don’t understand what you’re upset about.

    Now, what you say is true – when someone commits adultery, it breaks the marriage, and when the victim (man or woman) files for a divorce, they are really just legally recognizing what has already happened.

  • Crystal

    Wow!, you must not be getting much from your wife. I am a Christian female. When I got married to my husband in 2003, our sex life went from 2-3 times a day to 1-2 times a year. In the years since I have asked my husband for more time together in bed. I asked for at least once a week. Still no increase. Then I said I would be happy with twice a month. Again, with no increase. I have done everything I could think of to have that increased by being in my birthday suite as he came home from work to giving him messages. Even brought toys and games into the mix. He would not react to the gestures or the horny flags I was flying high till many hours later. Guess what, still no increase in sex. He was not interested in sex. Not because of porn. Not because he is sleeping around. Not because of fights or my refusal. Not because he did not love me. Not because he is gay. Not because he did not want to have sex with his wife or to please me. Not because of any reason you have proclaimed so boldly. He just does not have the sex drive that I have of wanting it like on a daily basis. Finally almost 2 1/2 years ago we had a child. My sex drive vanished for almost 1 1/2 years. Funny thing is my husband on the other hand his went up. Now it is like we have met on common ground. We have increased a lot in the bedroom again. We are finding each other again and yes very much enjoying each other.

    So please tell me how it is the woman’s fault that the man is not putting out to his wife? Please tell me once again how it is the woman’s fault for her not getting sex from her husband? Please tell me how is it my fault for not getting sex from my husband? Please tell me!!! Thank you.

  • PorcelainDoll

    Typical male view on number one with no surprise you made it number one. If a husband does nothing but tear his wife down verbally all day, the wife isn’t going to want him to touch her much less anything else. You appear to be one of those sexist, Neanderthals that takes Ephesians 5:22 as if it is the only verse in the Bible. God did not intend for a husband to be “entitled” AT ANY COST. He doesn’t have the right to act afool all day and make demands at night. He has no right to a wife that keeps her mouth shut and her legs open! I encourage all pmen and women to Google “God’s Protection of Women”. It is a PDF tract produced by the same people who produce “Our Daily Bread” booklets. Men need to read it for certain.
    http://discoveryseries.org/discovery-series/gods-protection-of-women/

  • Beth McDaniel Rogers

    did you read *anything* other than the title of #1?

    here’s what it said after the first sentence:

    It’s meant to be used often in marriage with both spouses submitting to each other’s needs and desires.

    “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

    *****************************
    that says that they BOTH submit to the other- each has authority over the other’s body. no where in that paragraph or in the Bible that I’ve seen, does it EVER say that God expects the woman to lay down and let the man do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, without any love and respect showed towards her. it doesn’t say the man is entitled, it doesn’t say the man is allowed to misuse or abuse his wife in any way. Please go back and re-read that iwth an open mind.

  • Carol

    Spot on!! I so agree!

  • Carol

    What about the husband meeting a woman’s emotional needs or is sex most important and the main priority in a relationship? It seems to me that from Number 1 in this article the main focus is just on sexual needs. God designed a woman for more than just sex … we need an emotional connection with our husbands and if there is no emotional connection, then really what kind of relationship is it? What God desires from us is a relationship with Him and so I believe God’s desire for a husband and woman in marriage is a relationship also. God’s focus is on “Relationships” and that means an emotional connection!!! First comes the emotional and then the sexual. There really is no marriage without an emotional connection or relationship first and after the emotional connection then they connect spiritually and physically. Anything else is opposite of God’s desire for marriage. By the way, where are these men that know how to love their wives as Christ loved the church? It really isn’t taught in churches or seminary? If there are any marital problems, I have always heard that women are to be submissive but through the many years, I have yet to hear them telling men the problem is that they aren’t being the spiritual leader they need to be or encouraging or mentoring men in that area. The only advice that is ever given to women is that you are to be more submissive and things will work out. If you need some insight into this problem, just read Leslie Vernick’s blog of all the problems women have when dealing with problems in their marriages. Your eyes will then be opened to the truth. Something to think on: Why are there as many divorces in the Christian church as there is in the secular world?

  • Carol

    What about the husband meeting a woman’s emotional needs or is sex most important and the main priority in a relationship? It seems to me that from Number 1 in this article the main focus is just on sexual needs. God designed a woman for more than just sex … we need an emotional connection with our husbands and if there is no emotional connection, then really what kind of relationship is it? What God desires from us is a relationship with Him and so I believe God’s desire for a husband and woman in marriage is a relationship also. God’s focus is on “Relationships” and that means an emotional connection!!! First comes the emotional and then the sexual. There really is no marriage without an emotional connection or relationship first and after the emotional connection then they connect spiritually and physically. Anything else is opposite of God’s desire for marriage. By the way, where are these men that know how to love their wives as Christ loved the church? It really isn’t taught in churches or seminary? If there are any marital problems, I have always heard that women are to be submissive but through the many years, I have yet to hear them telling men the problem is that they aren’t being the spiritual leader they need to be or encouraging or mentoring men in that area. The only advice that is ever given to women is that you are to be more submissive and things will work out. If you need some insight into this problem, just read Leslie Vernick’s blog at http://www.leslievernick.com about all the problems women have when dealing with problems in their marriages. Your eyes will then be opened to the truth. Something to think on: Why are there as many divorces in the Christian church as there is in the secular world?

  • PorcelainDoll

    Well said.

  • Beth McDaniel Rogers

    again, quoting from the article:

    It’s meant to be used often in marriage with both spouses submitting to each other’s needs and desires. (this is what the author of the article said- note he says submitting to needs and desires- that would include emotional needs)

    “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 (this is actually quoting the Bible- God’s word- so aren’t you really arguing with God on this?)

    I will brag on my husband – he is an AWESOME, Godly husband who puts my needs and wants above his own- when our children were at home, he took wonderful care of them; it was never a ‘chore’ to him to be with them.
    there are Godly men out there- if there is a shortage, don’t you think that could come from their parents not raising them in God’s will?
    I don’t know why there are so many divorces, and I don’t know why women are given the suggestion that they be more submissive – I don’t know that it’s true across the board; I’ve never been told that and I would not consider myself a naturally submissive person.

  • srsly

    No. The Bible teaches that the covenant of marriage is the moral setting in which to pursue love and sex. By placing feelings of romantic love as the moral setting in which to pursue marriage and sex, you are turning scripture on its head. The obligations of headship and submission are not dependent upon one another, and the failure of one spouse does not excuse the other.

  • Carol

    I am not talking about feelings of romantic love outside of marriage but an emotional connection with your spouse which is also how God designed a marriage to be. The husband is to be the spiritual leader and care for and love the wife as Christ loves the church. I am sure there are some married couples who are living out their lives that way and have marriages that glorify God. There are many pastors and churches that preach and teach that women are to be submissive which I totally agree with and it is wonderful when a man is being the spiritual leader. Any woman would love to be submissive to that kind of man who so loves and cares for her. It should be that the husband is looking out for the best interest of his wife and caring for her, being her protector, her lover but this isn’t always the case. There are many men that because of their personalities can’t love as you and I can and can’t live that out because they are narcissistic so then when they are being told they are the spiritual leader
    and the head of the household, this in turn only makes them more uncaring and more powerful in their own eyes and even less caring about their spouse. It can even become very abusive because they begin to start bringing up the fact that they are the “spiritual leader” and you must do and follow what they say. Being submissive
    to this kind of husband and allowing him to make decisions while going along with his every whim and command is only enabling his sinful ways. If you are
    interested, you can learn more about narcissists by doing more research. Just to let you know a narcissist’s world revolves around themselves and what you can do for them. They are unable to truly love and have empathy for others. Also, if you are interested, you can also check out http://www.leslievernick.com and read Leslie’s blog about the many, many women that are hurting and in marriages that are destructive and also read how the churches, pastors and counselors are handling it. Very Sad!! If you yourself are in a marriage where your husband is all he is to be and loves you as Christ loves the church, then you are surely blessed and I am sure you are thankful for him every day giving God the praise and the glory. I also am very, very happy for you! May God bless you. BTW I just realized I don’t know if you are a man or woman but as I just reread your post and especially the second sentence you wrote, I am thinking that you are a man as you made the statement of “feelings of romantic love” which I’m sensing a man would view my post as that and not as I intended. It was meant as “an emotional connection” which for a woman is a close, endearing relationship
    which is especially important in a marriage relationship.

  • srsly

    No. Whether within marriage or outside of it, you are talking about feelings of romantic love as bestowing legitimacy on sex and marriage. This is unbiblical.
    The idea that women are automatically and uniformly morally good in response to good leadership from their husbands is absurd. Just as a genuinely narcissistic man would abuse his status as spiritual leader, a woman would use her husband’s obligations to her as a justification to rebel against him. If you don’t admit of the possibility that a wife can sin against a husband who is not sinning as well, and if you view a wife’s duty to submit as contingent upon her husband’s duty to lead correctly, then you reverse headship and submission. That is, if husband and wife disagree, about anything whatsoever, the only response you’ll be happy with is for him to submit to whatever she wants.
    Seriously, consider what you’re telling men:
    The man is the spiritual leader, and is obligated to lead with love. He is responsible for the family. His wife never has to do anything he says, and if she doesn’t want to, it’s because he told her the wrong thing to do. If he insists on doing what he thinks is right, and she disagrees in any way, it’s because he is a narcissist and does not love her.
    People like you are the reason why violent, mentally ill women like my mother can physically and emotionally abuse their husbands and children with impunity. You have blood on your hands.

  • Jay Baldwin

    While I applaud the goal of remaining happy, I don’t think happiness is at all the point of marriage. Perhaps it is in our society, but then again, I could also suggest that could be why it ends so tragically with such frequency.

    Happiness is a feeling. Fleeting in a moment, and unendingly unstable. The direction of the wind can change “happy.”

    At best, marriage is two people — two sinners (whether Redeemed or not), who need the help of the Holy Spirit to behave selflessly, saying to one another “I am committed to you and you only – for life, and committed to putting you before myself.” Not just when it’s convenient, or when it feels good or alright, or when things are looking up. Not just when I’m happy… period, for life.

    Now, don’t get me wrong… I think you should be happy! I think God wants you to be happy! But happiness was not the goal. In fact, nowhere in the Scriptures are we called to be happy. We’re called to be holy…. to possess (and express) the joy of the Lord. To belong to one another, to lift one another up. To help one another.

    Now, I don’t think you should ever even CONSIDER a commitment such as the one I’m describing unless you’re completely happy with yourself (why would you want to give something you aren’t happy with as a gift to someone else?) and unless you’re completely happy with them (why would you want something… you really don’t want?).

    But God takes joy in loving us, when we’re unlovable… choosing us — even when we aren’t easy to get along with, or when we aren’t particularly making Him happy. He loves us *in spite* of us, rather than *because* of us. Which is why I think “till death do us part” are in the vows. That kind of a commitment is as close as we can get to the kind Christ made for us, which actually is far greater. In our commitments to one another, marriage does end at death, or as Jesus describes, when we become “like as the angles in heaven, neither married nor given in marriage.” His commitment to us isn’t merely a story between God and man with a happy ending. It’s a story with no ending. When it looks bad and it looks good. That’s what marriage intended to convey…. that’s the picture it’s intended to paint.

  • PorcelainDoll

    You’re right about only one thing: there are issues here. I’ve been extremely good and faithful to him in that area while he’s been an abusive monster who thinks Ephesians 5:22 is a “get sex at ANY cost card”. No one, certainly no man is going to convince me that was God’s intention behind that verse. A man belittles and humiliates and beats his wife down all day long does NOT have a right to her at night. I miss the man he used to be. But then I got sick…and it’s like his promise of “in sickness and in health” only really meant “in health” and YES I DID no matter if I was puking my guts up. When I got sick, he turned into Hitler. I’ve been knocked to the ground and sent home by a male jerk who said just to screw him more. There is nothing there that God would approve of because He knows His daughter’s heart: she’s got a busted lip and the last thing she wants is him humping on her. My heart is breaking because as I said earlier I miss the man he USED to be. Yes, men typically do go on an all-out hate-filled defense when they feel one of their buddies isn’t getting his entitlement candy (pardon me if I sound a little bit angry, but I get yelled and screamed at despite my medical condition and then he goes slamming out the door like he did just now). Instead of getting defensive towards a woman over this issue (as I have seen the majority of men do), approach with compassion because in a huge number of cases, he’s mistreating her. And no, I’m not referring to the little woman got her feewins hurt or he looked at her cross-eyed. There are plenty of stories out there where the bruised and bloodied wife was sent home to the monster who did that to her, told to screw him more and the next call that was made was to the morgue.

    If he were willing to get help for his sexist, chauvinistic, violent tendencies towards women (he took a swing at his momma when he was only 8! – something I found out about 6 years into the marriage), at least that would be a step in the right direction.

    Try to remember that chances are, there’s an underlying issue or a major problem. (And yes, I am well aware there are women who feel they can withhold themselves if hubby doesn’t take out the garbage. To those men, you’re taking out the wrong garbage.)

    Peace.

  • PorcelainDoll

    Thank you, but things ARE being taken care of. (wink) I really appreciate your input; I just wanted to fill in a few gaps. I am no fan of women who use sex as a reward, but I already stated my case there. Pardon me, I get wordy. And again, thank you; things ARE being handled. GRIN

    P.S. I’ve been advised to use an alias. Good idea I think.

  • Brandon Braddy

    Number four and six really seem to hit on what I think you are talking about. Every wife needs love, and your spouse’s needs should come before your own. That is the emotional connection you are talking about. If a mans loves his widpfe the way Christ loved the church, then her submitting to him would not put her in harms way, but keep her safe, and protected. Submission should only be given to men who love their wife, and a woman in the word should be sure of the man she is with before marriage, and vice versa, as a man its not healthy to marry a woman who is not submissive in order for him to lead his family under God..I am married and when I went for counsel I was told what I was to do as the man. Love my wife, and put her needs before your own. As a woman you likely were told what you were to do, telling you what your husband should do does not help him fix any of his issues. There are many divorces in the world today because we as a society have come to put more worth into our emotions, which change from moment to moment, than the Word of God.

  • Brandon Braddy

    The post is called surprising teachings, not teaching listed by god in order of importance… Don’t confuse what you are reading, and apply negative views to otherwise Godly teachings. I was under the impression that it was listed as number one because most people would find it the most surprising.

  • Brandon Braddy

    I agree these teachings are for marriage in which both partners are committed to a true christian marriage. It does not apply to evil, masked or unmasked. It can’t work one way, is the message each number had a husband and wive role and duty. Both need to perform, if your spouse isn’t doing what Gods says for them to do, steps should be taken to correct the situation. Abuse in any form is against Gods and teachings, so if it is consistent, without remorse, and/or not ending . you have a right to preserve your life, and wellbeing.

  • Brandon Braddy

    I completely understand your point of view, but that is why as christian men it is important to know the woman we propose to are equally as committed to the word as we are. If we are deceived we need to have enough faith in God to see us through our low points. To know that he wants us to be happy, and as long as we continue to follow the path of righteousness we will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your wife’s needs would before your own, we as men should not be afraid of what they might do to us financially or otherwise. That just allows the devil in, trust in God, live with faith. Control your actions, Gods will always make a way for us.

  • Brandon Braddy

    I married because I wanted to be the one to make my wife happy, not because she made me happy. I found a woman whose happiness, sorrow, grief, and pain became personal to me. I wanted to responsible for her wellbeing, to include emotions, finances, physical health. If she were to go blind deaf or dumb or all three I wanted to accept full responsibility, for the rest of her life. Not because she made me happy. I make myself happy, the Ravens winning on Sundays make me happy. Its important to also understand that the things that make you happy are also capable of making you sad, and mad. Its doesn’t stop me from watching football when my teams loses, or calls the wrong play, I’m not leaving my wife because she makes me mad or sad. Its not worth missing out on all the moments we could and should be happy together.

  • Brandon Braddy

    Sounds like you have a negative view on woman as a whole. My wife is far from perfect and has made mistakes but she never withheld sex, if anyone I am more guilty of this than she…I only say that to disprove your generic disrespectful post about woman, during this conversation.

  • Brandon Braddy

    I’m not sure anyone knows 90% of Christians, I for one never submitted and answer if there was a poll. The lie is that people go into marriage only seeking what they can get out of it…no one should get married unless they are willing to do what they are supposed to for the other person no matter what for the rest of his or her life. Period. That’s all you should expect, a life time of service and devotion to the person you marry,

  • Dawn Damico

    Great list! I love sex with my husband, and I love the physical and emotional connections that grow from it as well as the connections we form outside of the bedroom that make what happens in the bedroom so much sweeter. This is LOVE – it’s very big, it’s not just about one thing or another. It doesn’t need to be over-analyzed….just enjoyed at every level. Thank you Dave for these references!

  • Liza

    I think that considering the statistics of abuse, (physical, emotional, psychological and sexual) in marriages, usually perpetrated by the male victimizing the female, I find articles like these to be sorely lacking by not addressing these, and worse that these very articles are likely subjecting the survivor to more violence and even encouraging them to stay with their abusers in the hopes that they can do something to “make it work” or “fix it” and blaming themselves for their abuser’s violent and or abusive behavior. I wish that writers of articles about male and female relationships would be a little more knowledgeable about such things and at least address what is more than a possibility but a likely occurrence that victims of abuse are seeking relationship advice from sources such as these.

  • Liza

    I prefer an egalitarian view of marriage, this standard of the “submissive” wife is misogynistic and outdated. Also both the husband and the wife need both love and respect. To say the husband needs respect and the women needs love is like saying that the husband does not need love and the woman does not need respect. That is the assumption and it is incorrect and preposterous.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    God’s word is not subject to what you “prefer.”

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    Not really much to “interpret.” Those passages are pretty cut and dried. Treat her however you wish. God’s word is equally not subject to MY preference (or my interpretation as you put it) I’m not the one whom you’ll eventually answer to.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    One set of scriptures? Not true. We have our Bible, the Quoran, the Hindu texts, the Buddhist texts, and others. That said, if you’re a practicing Christian then the Bible is the unerring word of God. And you’re right, we don’t agree. Thank you for making my whole point for me. We won’t answer to each other, we’ll answer only to God. But since you asked how to tell which denomination/sect is 100% correct that’s simple. NONE of them. Not yours nor mine. As to how to tell when any of them are actually correct on whatever they’re preaching at the time, that’s also easy. The Bible also quotes Jesus as saying, “I know my sheep and they know my voice.” All you have to do is listen for the voice of the shepherd.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    Nope. You asked. I answered. You don’t like the answer.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    Nope. I originally stated nobody’s preference matters (only God’s preference) That hasn’t changed. I said no particular denomination is 100% correct; that hasn’t changed (and it is in perfect agreement with the first statement) I said if you want to know when any single statement of preaching is right, listen for the word of the shepherd; that hasn’t changed (and is still in perfect agreement with the first two statements) You can twist it anyway you want to but it won’t change anything I said.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    I stated what I stated. It was also cut and dried. I like your comment about being “the son of an attorney.” Personally I’m the son of a heavy equipment operator (Daddy) and a registered nurse (Mama) but I don’t claim proficiency at either (although I can drive a tractor) But it does explain your proclivity to twist what others say. And NO I didn’t claim that no interpretation was valid; I said that no denomination or sect had a 100% correct interpretation of the entire scriptures. But then, you really knew that was what I said; you just prefer to argue out of context.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    Go back and re-read my original reply to you. I never claimed that ALL scripture was cut and dried; just “those passages” in the article regarding wives being subject to their husbands. You took the discussion further afield and I responded to your comments regarding scripture in general. Also, nowhere did I state that personal preference “wasn’t allowed in the scriptures.” I said, that personal preference was that “God’s word is not subject to what you prefer.” Therefore personal preference is “irrelevant.” His Kingdom = His rules. But you already really knew that. Your just reaching like a jailhouse lawyer for a way to justify breaking the rules.

  • Tyler Bryant

    Spouses don’t share EVERYTHING in marriage as they don’t and are not to share position. The husband’s position in the marriage is the greater since hes the leader and the one responsible for making sure his family is cared for. Hes responsible for making decisions in how they will live for God and for doing all he can to ensure his family follows God. His wife is his helper, lover, and manager. Shes responsible for doing all she can to help her husband and to follow his leadership absolutely for as long as he doesn’t tell her to disobey God.

  • Tyler Bryant

    This article was written as a teaching source of God’s word mean’t for Godly people who don’t do the things you have mentioned in this comment. There are many articles out that HAVE taken these things into account. Also, that wives are to be submissive to their husbands isn’t misogynistic as its God’s command, and they are only required to obey their husband’s in things that aren’t contrary to the will of God. Anything that is, and certainly abuse is, she has EVERY right to seek legal action against her husband.

  • Liza

    Do you believe that Christ did not intend for a man to respect his wife? Do you believe that Christ did not intend for a woman to love her husband? I’m not sure what your point is, except perhaps to say that I’m wrong because I think both sexes are equal and deserving of love and respect in God’s eyes? Fundamentalists back this up with one line of scripture that has been used abusively to subjugate women for centuries, (women being subject to their husbands). At the time when the Bible was written, women were subject to their husbands in every way, perhaps this is why Paul made such admonitions, to remind husbands to love and not abuse those who were dependent upon them, at a time when this was commonplace, and to say to the women that if their husbands were decent in this way then they were worthy of their respect. Loving is a matter of respect and respecting someone is a sign of love, one is not present without the other.

  • Liza

    “Godly people” don’t sin? hmmmm…..that’s an interesting concept. 1 out of 3 women are abused by a man in their life…and this is CURRENT statistics, not statistics of Biblical times. I think it’s probably fair to surmise that it might have been worse for women then. Tyler Bryant, I do not know the statistics for “Christian” women, however I do know that religion has been used by “Christian” men as a means of coercion and horrible emotional and physical abuse. In fact, I know this first hand. Thankfully today women have other options than to just be submissive so that the men don’t hit us so hard. God did not tell women to be submissive, this was Paul teaching the Ephesians about loving one another in a certain time and place – in a patriarchal society. Twisting the Word of God to accommodate your evil desire to subjugate women, I assure, is not God’s plan.

  • Tyler Bryant

    Wrong, read over my comment again. I NEVER said that Godly people didn’t sin, I said they don’t do the things you mentioned as they are ungodly and non-Christian. Godly men don’t use God’s word for anything other than what he says to do, and emotional and physical abuse are absolutely against the Bible. As to other “religious” books being used, thats just pure evil to use them for emotional and physical abuse. In God’s design of marriage, wives are to be submissive to their husbands so long as doing so means they can honor God by honoring their husband’s God-given leadership. In cases of abuse, they are not to be submissive to that as its wrong and unbiblical. If their husbands tell them to do something that is Godly and perfectly alright by Scripture, they must obey it or they will be in violation of the Scriptures. God’s design of marriage, as revealed by Paul and others, STILL STANDS TODAY AND IS STILL TO BE DONE IN THE WAYS DESCRIBED IN THE BIBLE. Theres is nothing evil about wanting God’s way for our lives, or for husbands to lead their families as God would have them to, or for wives to be the submissive, Godly women the Bible expects them to be to their husbands with absolution so long as they don’t contradict God.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    You “THINK both sexes are equal in God’s eyes.” What you Think is irrelevant; the only thing that matters is what God said. God’s word is God’s word. It was true when He said it centuries ago (over two millennia ago actually) It’s true today, and it will be true millennia from now.

  • Liza

    What YOU think certainly doesn’t matter a bit to me. Have a good day.

  • Liza

    I’m sorry to hear that you are not aware of the problem of abuse. There are Christian men that do abuse their wives, certainly not all Christian men. Most women that are abused are too afraid of their husbands to talk about it and when they do they are further abused by being told to change their behaviors. I am not merely making this up or supposing, it is well-documented fact.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    You’re right about that; what I think or say is also irrelevant. But what God said is paramount. If it doesn’t matter to you now, it will.

  • Tyler Bryant

    I am aware of the problem of abuse in marriages stupid, and those marriages AREN’T Christian marriages. Any man who abuses his wife in ANY fashion and claims hes a Christian is false. He may or may not be saved(I’d vote not), but he ain’t no Christian as true Christian men don’t do that, but rather they do the things I mentioned in my previous comment. Hope you pay better attention to me when you read this comment.

  • Liza

    You misquoted me earlier, “I think both sexes are equal and deserving of love and respect in God’s eyes?” was what I said. Not, as you said I said, “You “THINK both sexes are equal in God’s eyes.” I doubt God is going to condemn me for my egalitarian views when I am a Christian who reveres Christ and His Word. It’s interesting to me that you found fault with my initial comment and you continue to batter me without any regard to any points that I made. It’s as if you are trying to tell me something but you are failing to do so. What is it exactly that you are trying to say? Do you just hate feminists?

  • Liza

    Do you realize that your comment is abusive?

  • Tyler Bryant

    Wrong again, its it not abusive. Its thorough. You either weren’t paying attention or clearly didn’t get the message I was trying to make, so I got more blunt about it. What I said stands absolutely. What I said in these comments is God’s design for marriage and I’ve pointed out that no man who abuses his wife is a true Christian husband.

  • Liza

    you called me stupid, (which is abusive)….because? Because you believe that I did not read your comment? Again, it is a fact that there is abuse in Christian marriages, as well as in secular marriages. Let me be clear on MY POINT: The answer to abuse is not for a woman to submit to her husband.

  • Tyler Bryant

    I called you stupid because you said something stupid. Saying I was unaware of abuse when my comment before that implies I’m not unaware of it, but was simply addressing what true Godly matters are was stupid. And wrong, it is not a fact that there are abusive Christian marriages as no Christian husband or wife is going to be abusive to their kids or spouse. As I said before, no Godly Christian husband is abusive to his wife(or his kids), and now I’m adding no Godly Christian wife is abusive to her husband and kids. ANY marriages where abuse is happening AREN’T Christian marriages. You are right that there are abusive marriages period out there(especially secular ones), but you’re completely wrong that there are abusive Christian marriages out there as Christian means “Christ-like”, and Jesus Christ wasn’t abusive. So any abusive marriage is automatically an unchristian one. Also, I said that if a woman’s husband was abusing her in any way, thats unbiblical and she is not morally or legally obligated to submit to him on those things related to the abuse. She only has to submit to him on the Godly, moral things and those things not cpntrary to God’s will, and those only. Did you not see that? I’ll repeat myself no further on any of this and hope you now get the point.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    No “battering” intended. I misquoted nothing; I just emphasized the part of your quote that’s irrelevant. As for you “revere” Christ’s word, if that were true you wouldn’t rearrange it to fit what you want to believe. It is what it is. The kingdom of heaven is just that, a kingdom, not a democracy.

  • Liza

    I haven’t “rearranged” anything, only applied basic logic. Paul wrote to the Ephesians, Colossians and to Timothy in a time of a patriarchal society and Christ exalted women beyond what was proper at that time, showing them BOTH RESPECT AND LOVE, which is my point. Society at that time also owned slaves and Paul addressed slaveowners, do you subscribe to that view as well?

  • Liza

    Paul exhorts MEN to not be violent and abusive. If it were not the nature of man to be this way then why would Paul address this to them (and to us as believers in Christ) and repeatedly? That is a rhetorical question as the answer is obvious, because men, by their sin-human-nature are violent and abusive, given to rage, selfish, etc. This article omits those exhortations to MEN and THEIR behaviors, however, of course, as is tradition with these type of articles and sermons, makes sure to mention the importance of a woman’s submissiveness. It seems that preaching only the parts that a man likes, and leaving out the parts that might protect women from male violence and abuse is misleading and a false teaching of the Word. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to expound on MY point.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    Paul went even further than that (regarding both women and slaves as well as ethnicity) in Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” NASB

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    But that does nothing to undercut other scriptural commands. Yes Paul wrote to a patriarchal society. The crux of the argument is whether they erred in building such a society or have we erred in straying from it?

  • Tyler Bryant

    Paul taught that because it was the Will of God, and of course because men can be that way, but nothing you just said changes anything I said. No man that abuses his wife in any fashion is a Godly Christian man. As to Paul preaching it to believers, it was probably so we could teach it to others through witnessing and showing others the Will of God by leading by example as much as teaching believers themselves not to be this way. This article doesn’t condone abuse on the part of the husband, but is rather addressing the situation where the husband himself isn’t being abusive but rather is being the Godly man God expects him to be. Understand?

  • Liza

    Do I understand what?

  • Liza

    WOW! Are you serious? Did you just say what I think you said? Let me put my veil on my head and go back to my tent. Dan Kelly you just won a prize!

  • Liza

    Hey Dan, I already own a bible, go to church and have a preacher that doesn’t spout off ignorant sexist shit, save your sermons for someone that respects your opinion.

  • Tyler Bryant

    The nature of this article as I explained it and the points I’ve been trying to make in my comments.

  • Liza

    You may understand this, Tyler, I have no answer to your condescending and baiting you are an abusive person and you have proved my point sufficiently as I suppose you consider yourself a godly man that does not abuse others nor sin. Thank you for exemplifying my point further, however it seems this whole thread becoming a bit redundant. When you have something substantial to add to it feel free, however you have only been repeating yourself and do not offer any facts to back up your mute opinion on lack of abuse of women in the church, whereas a simple google search on abuse stats will back up mine. Also, sir, I have a church, a pastor and bible and my comment was not seeking or asking for any unsubstantiated wisdom that you beset to endow on me.

  • Tyler Bryant

    Wrong again. I am not an abusive person and I never said I didn’t sin. We all do. But I do my best to live my life as a Godly man and will be a Godly husband one day if God’s will is for me to marry. Nothing I have said is wrong, however, and true Godly churches don’t have abuse in them. Mine doesn’t and no church I have ever visited did either. You can hate the truth all you want, you can not believe it, you can call me whatever you like, but in the end it doesn’t make a bit of difference. I’m right and you are wrong. Thats all I’ll say to you about that. If you don’t wish to continue the discussion, then don’t reply again. You’ve lost anyway.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    I never made a sermon, just a comment. I’m glad you’ve found a “preacher’ that tells you what you want to hear.

  • Tyler Bryant

    Indeed, a husband being verbally abusive towards his wife is dishonoring and not living with her according to knowledge as Scripture commands the husband to do, however, even if he is doing those things she has NO right to refuse him sex in return for his bad behavior as then she’ll be in violation of Scripture herself and just as wrong as he is. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 states both spouses have authority over each other’s bodies, but none over their own, and therefore if they refuse to have sex without valid reasons(physical or mental illness, or circumstances making compliance impossible) and without them both AGREEING to abstain from sex for a time of fasting and prayer they are sinning against their spouse and God. Two wrong never make a right, and 1 Peter 3:9 says not to return evil for evil, and since a wife refusing to have sex with her husband without a valid reason for his bad behavior is a sin its a textbook example of repaying evil for evil. A situation like this is sad, but she should submit to sex as Scripture commands and pray God’s will be done and for Him to change her husband’s heart. 1 Peter 3 also states that wives should maintain a Godly attitude of submission, except on things that themselves are sinful in accordance with Act 5:29, in order that their husbands may be won over to God’s Will by the example of their wife’s Godly behavior.

  • PorcelainDoll

    Like I said, typical. You’re actually saying if a man is calling his wife a bitch, whore, and slut repeatedly throughout the day, screams at her for the stupidest of reasons, throws the nice meal she made for him across the room, And lives with this day in and day out, never laying a hand on her, that she’s supposed to lay there like a good little wife and let him get his jollies? You are one sick, demented male misogynist. The Bible ALSO tells the husband not to be harsh and if a man doesn’t provide for his loved ones – that includes his wife’s psychological needs – that he is worse than an infidel. I strongly advise “God’s Protection of Women” (Google it – pdf file in the results) and read what God REALLY days about this issue. Leslie Vernick, an anointed woman of God, has a ministry devoted to helping women in this situation. A man has NO right to his wife if he’s mistreating her (repeatedly) with no repentance in sight. I could go on because I KNOW, as a daughter of the Most High, that He loves me and would NEVER expect such deplorable conditions for His Daughter. That would make the Holy of Holies a deadbeat dad and MY heavenly Father is anything but.

    I can see from posts above – you’re wrong, I’m right, you’re wrong, I’m right, you’re wrong, I’m right, ETC., ETC., ETC., – that you are a narcissist who thinks he is right about everything even though he is not and you will probably retaliate with more of your sexist drivel laden with whatever agrees with your opinion because anything other than that wouldn’t fit into your mindset of “sex at any and all costs”. One verse in the Bible does not overrule another verse. Ephesians 5:22 is not the “master verse of the Bible” and does not overrule every other verse. Unconditional love does NOT equal unconditional relationship.

  • Tyler Bryant

    She is to be a Godly wife honoring her husband’s leadership in unsinful areas and not sinning against him in return. Even if hes done all those things, and I agree with you that they are horrible, if she is able to have sex when he initiates and refuses to do so she’ll be sinning against her husband which will make her no better than he is in God’s eyes. I believe in God and the Bible’s principles which are exactly what I’ve said in these past two comments. I’m not misogynist, I’m simple Godly. I’m not perfect and never have been, but I try to live by God’s Word and do as he wants. And I tell his Word exactly as it is. I’m well aware that the Bible commands a husband to love his wife as himself and honor her, however, but even if he doesn’t do as ordered himself, that doesn’t give his wife the right to sin against him in return. She isn’t responsible for her husband’s actions. For the evil hes done, he’ll be responsible and accountable to God. She is only responsible for her actions and if she sins against her husband in ANY way, including sex, in return for his sin against her she is just as wrong as him and just as accountable to God. According to the Bible 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, both a husband and a wife have ABSOLUTE sexual right to one another and Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 also state the conduct of a Godly wife. Among other passages. However, Leslie Vernick is WRONG if she thinks that a woman doesn’t owe her husband respect of leadership in UNSINFUL things and sex anytime she is able and he wants it, even if he is unrepentantly sinful in other areas. If he is unrepentantly sinful and has been confronted in the ways commanded in Matthew 18, she can divorce him and remarry another, better man if he leaves her, or divorce him and remarry another man if his sin was sexual immorality(which means ANY sex-related sin, including sexual refusal). These are all guidelines and commands of the Bible, and the Bible is INFINITELY superior to any man-made ministry. Of course God is no deadbeat Father, but he expects us all to obey his commands in the Bible.

  • PorcelainDoll

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL! Oh I get it – you’re one of those that loves to hear themselves talk. Well, I’ll take my cues from God Himself as He has shown me in His Word and the anointed men and women He has graced my path with.

    Bye.

  • Tyler Bryant

    Meaning you’ll do exactly as I’ve said in these comments? Otherwise you won’t be following God as what I’ve told you in these comments IS God’s commands to you, and every other man and woman on the planet among so many other things. And wrong again, I’m someone who speaks the truth of God’s Word and have told it to you in these comments on this subject. I’ll now tell you the Salvation Plan in case you don’t know it. Because of the sinful nature of men, God sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, to die as the perfect sacrifice for our sins so that we never have to use imperfect sacrifices again. If we accept Christ as our Lord and Savior, we’ll dwell with Him in Eternity, if we reject him we’ll burn in Hell for all Eternity to pay the sin debt we owe God ourselves because we wouldn’t let him pay it for us. If you’ve heard this and accepted Christ thats good, although your words lead me to think you’re no Christian since you don’t seem to agree with what the Bible says and the quotes from it I made, and being a Christian means being “Christ-like”.

  • Liza

    Dan, I see you deleted the blatantly sexist comment that you made. That was probably a good idea.

  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    What comment would that be?

  • Liza
  • Dan H Kelly Jr

    That link leads to a separate article written by somebody else. A rather long article at that. I’ve neither shared it nor said (nor subsequently removed) anything like it. Not sure where your delusions are coming from; maybe you should check your meds.

  • timothy

    Liza Mack i want to believe you don’t have a husband, cus that is the problem of our society now. women don’t want to submit to their husbands. The problem of this generation is submission and that is giving women a lot of problems in their homes

  • Haruna Enoch

    If Christ was the head of the church at the time of Paul the Apostle, and he is still the head of the church now and tomorrow, the Man remains the head of the Woman it doesn’t matter how much the society has changed. “Neither was the man created for the woman but the woman for the man” not as a tool he can use but as a companion and a help that he should love with all he has got. Its not subjugation, its everyone abiding in the place of their calling; if you find yourself a woman, don’t seek the place of a man. Love your place because in it you will find fulfillment. Peace!

  • Mrs Wardle

    I like your comment above Brandon. Far too many men I have come across in 75 years, have prioritised their own needs when choosing a wife. ‘
    The concept of giving rather than receiving has never crossed many masculine minds. Can she cook for me, can she keep house, will she wait on me, will she sit in front of the T.V. while I grasp the remote with an iron grip while watching sport, will she obey every whim the same as my kids do, has she got a well paid job, is she willing to give up everything dear to her (activities, hobbys, sports etc.). to chase my personal interests. I have seen sad examples of baby-men clinging to their own families eg. parents and siblings, while almost denying the fact that the wife has a family too!! Note Genesis ä man shall LEAVE his parents and cleave unto his wife”. Christ gave up everything to the point of death for his Church/bride, and men need to take a long hard look at this command to love the wife as Christ loved his Church. Nothing a believing husband asks of his wife can be for his own pleasure, or to satisfy a selfish wish. If she is not his first consideration then he is in breach of God’s plan for a marriage. How could any wife not treasure a man who is like this? This is the base line. It is a good idea to read about the perfect woman described in Proverbs. Even the best husband would be a bit shocked if his wife came home saying I’ve just bought me a vineyard and I’ve been planting vines all day!~ Her husband rises up off his seat or whatever, and calls her blessed. Take heed!!!

  • SickOfPoliticians

    Wrong! MAN is NOT the head of the WOMAN. A HUSBAND is the head of the WIFE. By the SAME token, the HUSBAND is to LOVE the wife as Christ loved the church. Which means the HUSBAND is willing to DIE for the WIFE. MEN are not the head over WOMEN.

  • Florence Corneloup

    No 5. Remarriage is not allowed, and according to the bible, it is an adulterous relationship. therefore must be repented of Luke 16:18. The “out” clause that people try to use in Matthew was written for the jews, and the word is except for “fornication” not adultery, and we see this in the example of Joseph who thought Mary had committed fornication and he was going to put her away quietly.

  • A. Maurice Rogers

    Read 1 Corinthians 11:3, 11:7, and 11:8 KJV. Perhaps Haruna Enoch’s perspective stems from Paul’s teachings in Corinth.

  • A. Maurice Rogers

    Liza, God’s laws are never outdated! The requirement of a wife to be submissive to her husband, IS NOT misogynistic, it is a requirement of God’s hierarchy. The source of your comment seems to be pride, which God hates. Your view is one which is tantamount to rebellion against God!

  • Liza

    I am still an egalitarian. And your cult beliefs are offensive to sane people.

  • immortalwombat10 .

    Doesnt #1 and #4 bring question to the nature of unconditional in #3?

    If conditions are not an issue, why are sex, love, respect, and other attributes so central to the biblical view of marriage.

  • immortalwombat10 .

    40% of all domestic abuse is female vs male.

  • Liza

    Says who? you?