Is Anything “Off Limits” for a Married Couple in the Bedroom?

I told him that he needed to talk openly about these issues with his wife, and not just in a demanding way trying to coerce her into complying with his specific desires. I told him that by withholding certain sexual acts, his wife probably wasn’t trying to deprive him or give less of herself to him but to actually give MORE of herself to him. He looked really confused by that so I elaborated further.

I said that his wife had probably come to associate certain sexual acts as part of her painful and promiscuous past full of brokenness and regret. For her, certain acts probably brought up baggage that she wants to let go. The memories of her past made her feel dirty, unworthy and slutty. She had been forgiven of her past as she was now, as the Bible describes, a new creation in Christ. She wanted to give her best to her husband as a pure bride, but to her husband, he felt like he was getting a prude instead of a bride. If God really created sex and wanted it to be at its best within marriage, then why were they both so frustrated?

I didn’t claim to have all the answers here, but I told my friend that this (like most issues in marriage) wasn’t about who was “right” and who was “wrong.” It would be about BOTH partners communicating with transparency and vulnerability to express their feelings and strive to serve each other needs with selflessness, thoughtfulness, mutual respect and love to find a solution that strengthens their marriage. If they both would approach the conversation NOT with demands but with a desire to truly understand each other, they’d be off to the right start.

Here’s what all this has to do with YOUR marriage…