Dealing with “baggage” in your marriage

Last time I flew on a plane, I remember feeling shocked at how expensive it was to have extra baggage. Apparently, it pays to travel light.

It’s the same in marriage. When we bring a lot of “baggage” into the relationship, it can end up costing us a lot.

When a bride and groom walk down the aisle, they’re each hauling invisible baggage which can become an enemy to the intimacy in their marriage if they don’t deal with it in a healthy way. Below are the most common types of “baggage” we have in our marriages and how to overcome them.

Common marriage “baggage” (in no particular order):

1. Sexual history.

Most people enter marriage with some form of sexual “baggage.” This can be in the form of past abuse, regret over past sexual choices or even unrealistic expectations about sex in the marriage. Porn can add further complications to these issues which I address in my popular post on “The Truth about Porn.” 

We have also created a new resource called “Best Sex Life Now” to help couples work through past baggage and improve sexual intimacy in marriage.

2. Pain from past relationships.

Trust is the foundation of a healthy marriage, and some people have trust issues that have nothing to do with their spouse. The issues are the result of broken trust from past relationships. We can subconsciously carry those wounds into the marriage and “punish” our spouse for wounds caused by someone else.

If you’re still carrying wounds from past hurts, I’d encourage you to consider professional counseling. Face those issues head on and refuse to be controlled by past hurts. You can also check out my FREE video on How to Fix your Life (by clicking here).

3. Dysfunctional family life in childhood.

No family is perfect, so most of us have some form of “baggage” from the family dynamics in our childhood and adolescent years. If your family has been broken for generations, don’t believe the lie that your destiny is to carry on the dysfunctional family tradition.

You have the power to break the cycle! You can start by avoiding these 7 ways parents can harm their children without even realizing it.

Whatever your “baggage” may be, you don’t have to keep dragging it around! Embrace the tools available to help you find healing from the past. Live in the freedom of God’s grace, not the prison of past baggage.

For more tips and tools to help you build a rock-solid marriage, check out my bestselling book iVow: Secrets to a Stronger Marriage which is now also available on iTunes as an ebook download on iPhones, iPads and all Apple devices.

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