For the Unloved Wife

For the Unloved Wife September 18, 2015

Worried teenager woman on the beach in winter

I receive thousands of messages online through the Facebook Marriage Page and my public Facebook page. Many of these messages come from people who are struggling in their marriage, and I try to do my best to provide some encouragement and insight to help with their situations. Yesterday, I received a message from a heartbroken woman who was reaching out for help. Her message broke my heart.

To protect her anonymity, I’m going to paraphrase her original message to make sure there’s not personal information that could identify her. I know her situation is one that many women can relate to. She said, “My husband says he doesn’t love me anymore. He’s not attracted to me. He doesn’t have any feelings for me at all. He’s doesn’t seem willing to do anything to work on our marriage. I’m heartbroken. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. I could try and lose weight and take better care of myself, but I don’t know if it would make any difference. I don’t know where things went wrong. I feel lost and hopeless. What should I do?” -The Unloved Wife

My heart aches for this woman and for the countless women who can relate to a similar, heartbreaking struggle. When your spouse walks in and drops a bomb like that, it’s hard to know where to start picking up the pieces. It’s a form of rejection so deep and so intimate that it feels like a wound that can never fully heal. I certainly don’t want to oversimplify the complex emotions that this woman and many others feel, but I do believe these principles below could bring some comfort and perspective, because they are promises from God Himself.

1. You are loved.

Jesus was never technically “married,” BUT he clearly taught us that we (His church) are His “Bride.” His love for you is limitless and eternal. He ALWAYS keeps His promises. Regardless of whether or not your husband comes back to his senses, you are loved with a never-ending love by the One who created you. It’s a love with no expiration date. He love you more than you can imagine.

2. You are beautiful.

Your husband might not be attracted to you, but it’s only because he’s allowed selfishness to distort his view of what real beauty really means. God created you and your are a Masterpiece. His precious, priceless daughter. If your husband has lost sight of that, it’s his fault; not yours.

3. You are not alone.

Feeling rejection from a spouse causes a deep and profound sense of loneliness and isolation, but you are NOT alone! God is with you and He will never leave you or forsake you. You also have many people in your life who love you more than you can imagine. Have the courage to reach out to them in this difficult time. Gain strength from the friends and family who love you.

I’m praying for you. I know God has a beautiful plan for you. Please don’t lose hope. 

If you’re in a position to reconcile with your husband, I’d encourage you to start by looking at the resources at For daily encouragement, I invite you to connect with me on Facebook. And fill your mind and heart with the timeless, encouraging promises from The Bible. Don’t lose hope. You are loved!

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