Overcoming “incompatibility” in marriage

Overcoming “incompatibility” in marriage March 20, 2015

Below are 4 simple ways to grow closer to your spouse and overcome “incompatibility”, but first, I have to tell you an amazing story…

My wife, Ashley, and I just had lunch with a wonderful friend of ours. She was telling us what happened after her divorce from her now ex-husband (he is also a good friend of ours).

She said that after the divorce, when she felt she was ready to start dating again, her friends talked her into getting an account on match.com. She received her first list of potential matches and at the very top of the list, her top match out of thousands of potential men was none other than her ex-husband! I promise, I’m not making this up!

It got me thinking about all the messages I receive from a husband or wife who feel that they’ve lost the spark in their marriage. They feel that they’ve fallen out of love or they’ve somehow grown incompatible with their spouse. Certainly, there are time when a husband and wife must overcome massive differences in opinion and perspective, but I’m convinced marriages fail not from a lack of compatibility but rather from a lack of commitment. 

Dave Willis marriage throw away key lock quote

In those moments when you don’t feel as close to your spouse as you once were, and perhaps you’re tempted to think your incompatibilities are irreconcilable, I encourage you to pause and try the following. These simple actions can take those feelings of incompatibility and replace them with feelings of intimacy.

1. Spend more time communicating.

The more you communicate the more you’ll understand each other’s perspectives. When you each have a different perspective, it doesn’t mean you’re incompatible and it doesn’t mean one of you is right and the other is wrong. It’s an opportunity to see every situation with more perspective and depth by working together in harmony.

Dave Willis quote time is the currency of relationships

2. Spend more time laughing.

Laughter should fill the soundtrack of your marriage. Have you ever noticed that when you laugh with someone, you instantly feel closer to them?

Dave Willis marriage quote healthy relationships more comedy than drama

3. Spend more time encouraging.

When you’re focused on your spouse’s flaws or quirks, you’ll always be seeing them through a negative lens. Be your spouse’s biggest encourager; not their biggest critic! Focus on the best in them, and you’ll end up discovering the best in your marriage.

Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already. Dave Willis quote

4. Spend more time flirting.

Bring the playfulness, seduction and flirtation to your marriage. Keep your eyes focused on each other and not on somebody else. Don’t ever look outside the marriage for someone other than your spouse to fulfill these desires.

Dave Willis never stop flirting with spouse quote

And above all, just don’t give up on each other! Marriages don’t survive or thrive because of “compatibility.” Marriages make it because of commitment.

Dave Willis DaveWillis.org perfect marriage two imperfect people refuse to give up on each other quote

For more tools to help you build a rock-solid marriage, connect with me on Facebook by clicking here and check out my FREE video on “How to have a stronger marriage.”

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  • boredom also is a problem. We joined MyPartnerAndI because we felt like good friends and roommates. Sex was something that filled a need. We did the “30 days to better sex” and started laughing again. We recommend everyone give it a try! http://www.mypartnerandi.com/

  • Catherine White Allen

    @disqus_mq9XlIDM8T:disqus I didn’t get the impression the author was indicating all marriage problems are a lack of commitment. My understanding is that he is saying many marriages can be saved through commitment. Keep in mind, commitment must come from both parties. If one spouse it not committed, it will create problems in other areas, and divorce tends to follow. If both spouses will be committed and follow the suggestions the author makes, I believe most marriages will pull through.

  • Catherine White Allen

    I’m sorry you feel that way. It sounds like you have had some bad experiences. I hope the best for you.