The Role of Religion in Parenting

It’s Easter Morning for many Americans today. Christian parents all over America are bringing their children to church this morning, if they attend church at all. This is where they are reminded that Easter is not really about the fun childhood tradition of Easter egg hunts, but much more–a crucifixion, an empty grave, and “Jesus loves us.” This brings me to reflect on the role that religion plays in parenting.

I have met many adults who are turned off by Christianity as it is practiced in America. These grownups associate the age old faith with all that is bad in the world—the fire and brimstone kind of hellfire chastisement that they had either gotten from their parents or peers. They also tend to associate this faith with “fundamentalism” or rigid religiosity, which alienates their sense of understanding and connecting. Who wants to be told that they are bad and deserve shame? Who is not repulsed by statements that imply one is morally inferior? Many also stray from the faith by claiming that scientific advancements are more believable than the supernatural. One 2014 study found that 23% of American adults identify as “not religious,” a trend up from 16% in 2007. The “Nones” as this group is called, are diverse but growing.

And yet, these same adults who are against the Christian faith consider bringing their young to church once they become parents. There is this sense that the youth need some sort of spiritual development, a moral compass. Many parents I’ve met, who were initially and adamantly against organized religions, feel drawn back to the faith of their childhood upbringing. There is a feeling of comfort and joy in the spiritual rituals of their past. Sometimes it is a memory of a loving grandmother bringing that child to church in the midst of his/her chaotic life that brings warm, happy feelings associated with the faith. Other times, it’s the young children questioning their parents why they aren’t associated with a church when some of their friends are.

Luckily for me, I did not grow up in the church so I did not have the all too common aversive experiences of hypocritical religious people. Unfortunately, that means that I also did not grow up with colorful Easter baskets filled with goodies for kids. My husband, who did have this kind of childhood, seems to care less for these holiday rituals, so our children have not gotten these sweet baskets for the holidays. They have participated in plenty of fun egg hunts though.

And yet, when I became a Christian in college, and then a parent ten years later, it was inseparable for me: faith and parenting. This includes going to church on Easter, and maybe even a little more dressed up for yearly family pictures, like the ones at Christmas. Being an educated social worker who is interested in life-long learning, meaningful intellectual pursuits and deep, honest discourse, I am open to friendship with the “Nones” in my life. Maybe I will see some in church on Easter morning or at a Christmas candle-lit service? Maybe I can hear stories of their life journey and how parenting has brought them back full circle? It would be interesting to find out how many of my friends and acquaintances integrate their childhood faith with an adult mind and set of experiences to arrive at where they are today.

Care to share about how you’ve developed faith or become a “None” and how this affects your parenting?