15 Lessons From 15 Years of Marriage

The numbers roughly correlates to the years these lessons were learned.

#1 You can be a professional and one who benefits from the service of a professional, all within the same day. Before the days of rampant cell phone usage, clinicians had to wear beepers. There’s nothing like getting paged while sitting on the counseling sofa with your husband to impress the therapist.

#2 At times you are at the peak, and the next moment you’re in a valley. Life is a roller coaster, and so is the most intimate relationship you find yourself in.

#3 Having a baby can bring you and your husband a lot closer together. You share in the anticipation, the joy, and the “how did we get so lucky/blessed?” feeling at the sight of your precious bundle.

#4 Taking care of little ones can drive you two apart. From less sleep, to more financial burdens, to sorting out the different worldviews, roles and responsibilities of each parent, parenthood brings new challenges to the marriage.

#5 Domestic responsibilities are not always shared fifty-fifty. Forget what the TV couples tell you, life behind closed doors does not look as easy, pretty, or neatly organized.

#6 And that’s ok. Putting away the measuring stick makes me more of a feminist than drawing a line to keep my other half “in his place.” Which half is his and which is hers does not really matter as these change over time and circumstances. Do what works for both of you and keep checking in with each other.

#7 Raising kids takes up a lot of free time that you could be spending bonding with your spouse.

#8 If you don’t intentionally mark off date nights or date days, then they don’t happen. It helps to foster good relationships with the grandparents because they make for wonderful, inexpensive caregiving. Family relationships are not always easy, but working at them matures us. And sometimes, we just need to hire babysitters to keep both kids and their parents happy.

#9 Moves and transitions are hard. Supportive friends, books, conferences, and counseling all help.

#10 Respect is crucial to my husband and if I’m smart, I’ll find something(s) to respect about him and let him know it. It’s true, my husband’s a better driver than I! In what way can you show respect to your husband?

#11 Husbands can love their wives by showing grace, understanding, and sacrificial devotions. Despite all the new age teachings, common sense and wise counsel tell me that we each have different needs and that’s ok.

#12 Your home is what you make it. Your marriage also. I’m terrible with decorating our house, but I’m glad that that doesn’t bother him.

#13 People don’t change much. I’m still working on the same weaknesses I had when we first got married.

#14 It’s so much better to be blissfully in sync with your spouse.

#15 But when you are in the valley, it’s a wonderful opportunity to uplift other marriages through your transparency.

Have I encouraged you, today? Please tell me about it, or share your list of lessons learned.

Some resources to strengthen your marriage:

Love and Respect             Five Love Languages           Marriage Fitness
A Weekend to Remember           The Generous Wife            The Generous Husband