Disappointed

I apologize beforehand, but this post is painfully vague. Forgive me, will ya? 🙂

Sometimes it feels like I try so hard to set up my life in such a way that I won’t be disappointed, you know, the age old quest for a life of happiness, peace & contentment. When things are going well, it’s like I’ve somehow tricked myself into thinking that I’m actually in control of everything…which I’m not, of course.  Yet, I still live in delusional land as I’m running around too busy to be reflective on what is true & what is blatant deception.

Every now and then something smacks me in the face and therefore smacks me back to reality. That something came last week. And it made my cry for an absurd 35 minutes.  I was really disappointed in myself both for crying for that long over something seemingly stupid, but also for putting myself in a position to be hurt.

At the end of the day I wasn’t wrong at all. I wasn’t wrong to be vulnerable to pain because as we all know that’s just life. And I wasn’t wrong to cry, after all I was just processing my pain in very healthy outlet.

And so I realized I just feel, well, really disappointed.

And that’s okay.

And at 32 years old I’ve (finally) realized it’s way better to feel it then to shop it, drink it, drug it, sleep it, numb it….or (add your vice here)….

Hurts more… works out a heck of a lot better in the end.