“Depression”

I can’t believe it’s been 7 months since I last wrote a post about my struggle with depression. It’s been an on-again-off-again-hate-hate relationship depression & I.  For the past few weeks we’ve been -unfortunately- joined at the hip.  (Which may explain last Sunday’s tirade of a post. Note to self: depression + blogging DO NOT go together)!

Anyway, I found it helpful to write about depression for one of my homework assignments for my Creative Writing class.  We were assigned to write a Pantoum.

(By the way, you should totally try it):

   1  2  3  4          - Lines in first quatrain.

       2  5  4  6          - Lines in second quatrain.

       5  7  6  8          - Lines in third quatrain.

       7  9  8 10          - Lines in fourth quatrain.

       9  3 10  1          - Lines in fifth and final quatrain.

Depression

Here it is again, like an old enemy coming back to gloat:

“I see your still a loser and a fraud!”

The only hope I have is minimizing consequences,

just try like hell not to sabotage my fragile life.

I see your still a loser and a fraud,

I tell myself in the pages of my dusty journal.

I’m trying like hell not to sabotage my fragile little life.

Just survive.  That is today’s task,

I tell myself in the pages of my journal.

My therapist.  She smiles and says,

“just survive.  That is today’s task…

Eat, sleep, watch a movie.  Regret nothing.”

My therapist smiles again.  She says,

“the only hope,” I have is to “minimize consequences.

Eat, sleep, watch a movie and regret nothing,” because

it’s here again.  Like an old enemy coming back to gloat.

By: Grace Biskie