Everyday Black Matters
“Dear me,
You have to be patient and self-controlled. I know you didn’t learn those skills growing up. I know that no one taught you the important skill of delayed gratification. I know you often feel like a trifling loser. You want the truth?
You can’t keep excusing yourself because of those things. It’s time to grow up. You have to teach yourself!
You are so full of dreams and possibilities, which I think is wonderful. I see you aspire to do great things because you want to make an impact for the sake of others. It’s honorable. It really is.
But you have to ask yourself what you are willing to sacrifice to make those dreams come true? Follow that with this question: is it worth it?
I want to see you succeed in your dreams only if the outcomes are what God wants for your life, for your family. Only if those things are good for you. Only if those things won’t wind up destroying the only things in life that carry any real value.
To be clear: I do not desire for you to have wealth, greater credibility or success on any level if it will be a hindrance to your faith, marriage or children. I say these things because I love you.
First, you must know what you are willing to sacrifice to make your dreams come true and if that sacrifice is worth it. Second, and most importantly you must know…”
AND THEN I FELL ASLEEP!
Can you believe that? I may have been giving myself the best advice on the planet and I fell asleep with a giant ink splot in the middle of my heartfelt revelation!!!!!
I wrote this letter to myself on December 9, 2009. A friend encouraged me to try it after I had completely berated myself over a mistake. I tend to be the beat-myself-up-and-feel-really-horrible kind of gal, so it’s really helpful for me to make concerted efforts to be nice to myself.
After all, if a trusted friend -or heck, even an enemy- beat themselves up the way I do after mistakes I would be so much nicer to them than I am to myself.
My advice to you to today:
Write yourself a letter. Admit your mistakes and shortcomings, decide what’s important to you and make plans to act on it, say all sorts of nice things to yourself about things you struggle with be it your thighs, your grades, your parenting, your cooking or your poor money management —you name it! It’s time for a little grace to flow into the guilt you likely carry around with you each day.
Not to get all scientific on y’all, but studies show that positive affirmation is 50% more successful at producing results than negative feedback. I.E. “You can do this! You can run 20 minutes today!” as opposed to “Get off the couch you fat hoe & run those 20 minutes like a man, not like the weak, lazy girl that you are!”
So, go write yourself a great letter. Everyone needs to hear that they have a great butt at least once in their life.
The most important part of this whole exercise:
DON’T FALL ASLEEP! 😉
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